“We already have common things like toiletries and dish soap etc so haven’t had to buy any of that yet,” she writes in Reddit’s Relationships thread. “I pay for groceries and he pays for petrol. Of course, petrol is way cheaper than groceries, almost 1/4th.”
She says she brought this up with her boyfriend recently and he countered by saying it costs “way more to maintain a car” and “that adds up to way above the grocery amount” which she accepted as “fair”, although she notes that he drives an expensive car he bought before they started dating which “was his choice entirely”.
“However I feel like the insurance/monthly bill is something he has to pay regardless of whether we’re together or not,” she continues. “And it was his choice to buy an expensive car. So I shouldn’t pay for it.”
She offered to divide costs for petrol and groceries but her boyfriend told her the car costs way more than her spending on groceries.
“On top of that, it’s not like he can drive me around all the time so I have to take a bus,” she says. “I don’t have to take it too many times, but still. It just seems like I’m paying too much.”
She says it feels unfair but “this is my first serious relationship so I have no idea about whether this is a good or bad way to divide costs”.
“I need some opinions on what to do in my case,” she asks. “Should I still say we divide gas/groceries 50-50. Or since he’s ‘technically paying more for car than just petrol’ I should be happy with our current arrangement?
“Should I even consider the insurance and loan payment as the monthly costs? Because he has these costs regardless of whether he’s with me or not, and he chose an expensive car.”
One person writes: “Groceries are a shared expense, thus you should both share the expense. When you run out of dish soap and toiletries, you should share the expense of purchasing those as well.
“If the car is in his name only, then he is responsible for its expense on his own. You could certainly offer to pay for petrol occasionally when he drives you places.”
Another agrees, writing that it is her boyfriend’s car so the costs of it are his responsibility.
“Groceries are a shared expense.”
“They should be splitting expenses 50/50 but she doesn’t need to finance an expensive car,” they advise, adding that they feel the boyfriend should be splitting groceries.
One person offers the following advice: “Get one credit card that is only used for shared expenses. Split the bill in half at the end of the month.”
“Who would pay for groceries if you bought your own car too?” questions another.
“Me and my bf have a separate account for all these things,” explains one Reddit follower. “Food, petrol, soap, toilet paper etc. If we’re about to run out of money, we’ll each put the same amount of money into the account. Maybe that’ll work for you as well?”
“It’s not your car,” says another. “You have zero responsibility for it. Not a shared expense. Groceries are a shared expense and he should be chipping in.”
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