A parent's guide to coping with exam stress - top tips from a psychologist
Portrait of teenage girl (18-19 years) using laptop
Exam season is in full swing, meaning millions of children sitting GCSEs and A-levels are experiencing anxiety. “Stress is our body’s natural response to pressure, triggered when we experience something new that threatens our sense of self,” says chartered psychologist Dr Sophie Ward, Deputy Head of School of Psychology at Arden University.
“This is where anxiety stems from, so it’s unsurprising that young people struggle during exam season, and that parents begin to worry about their child’s mental health. The key is to spot the physical symptoms and behavioural ‘tells’ and be open to helping,” she adds. “That way, parents can help to calm their child’s mind when emotions spiral.”
So what should you be looking for?
Common physical and behavioural symptoms
- An upset stomach or indigestion
- Frequent headaches
- Disturbed sleep or increased tiredness and fatigue
- Sweating or heart palpitations
- Changes in appetite
- Less interested or engaged in social situations, more reserved
- More anxious, nervous or afraid
- More irritable, snappier or more frequently feeling frustrated or angry
- Low or depressed mood
“Behavioural changes can be trickier to monitor, but anything that seems out of the ordinary may be a reason to start an open conversation,” says Dr Ward.
Many teens do not feel comfortable opening up to parents, especially if they feel pressured to do well. “It’s important to approach any conversation from a judgment-free place, allowing young people to freely express how they feel,” says Dr Ward.
In other words, don’t assume you know what’s wrong or jump the gun. “Reassure them that you are supportive and stay positive when negative thinking crops up. So, if your child says, ‘I’m bad at maths’, ask them to really think about what they are saying. Question their statements, by reminding them of their strengths and times they worked hard and improved.
“Learning to frame things -positively will help them to develop resilience to stress, and it will also reassure them that if things don’t go to plan, it’ll be OK.”
It’s natural for parents to want to take away their children’s stress, but it’s important to guide them to find their own solution – allowing them to discover their own way of managing stress, explains Dr Ward.
“Allow your children to solve low-stakes problems on their own, but with your support. This will help them gain the confidence they need to deal with stressors and setbacks.
“Discuss potential solutions and ask open-ended questions such as: ‘What makes you feel happy?’ or, ‘How can we incorporate that into every day to reduce your stress?’ This will allow your child to feel heard and help them to manage their stress in a way that works for them.”
Our brains are often wired to protect us from the worst outcome, which is why we may overthink or stress over the idea of failing.
“Reassuring them that you will support them regardless of the outcome can also help ease anxiety. Practising mindfulness and positive thinking plays a strong part in making them feel supported and, hopefully, more relaxed on exam days.”
Dr Ward suggests these practical steps:
GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP It is essential for good wellbeing. Teenagers should get eight to 10 hours a day
ENCOURAGE EXERCISE A daily walk or time for hobbies can help with a balanced routine and work off stress
BALANCED DIET This strengthens the immune system and gives them energy
MANAGE SCREEN TIME Screens can create pressure, as children may compare their progress to friends online
ALLOW REGULAR BREAKS Make sure your child factors in time to relax