Tahira Kashyap says Ayushmann Khurrana, other men should also be made feel guilty for choosing work over children
Tahira Kashyap says Ayushmann Khurrana, other men should also be made feel guilty for choosing work over children
Tahira Kashyap, after writing several books and directing short films, is all set to make her feature directorial debut with Sharmajee Ki Beti -- starring Sakshi Tanwar, Divya Dutta, and Saiyami Kher in the lead roles. The film revolves around three women of varying ages and background, facing different conflicts in a big city. As Tahira chooses a women-led film to be her feature film debut, she also talks about how the society often brings the mom guilt in women for choosing their career over their family and children, sharing her own little conflicts with why men, including her husband Ayushmann Khurrana, are not questioned about managing work and family all at once.
In an exclusive conversation with the indianexpress.com, the writer-director said, "I was having this conversation the other day that how we ask a woman about how they manage everything when they have children. I really wish that Ayushmann and other men are asked 'Aap shoot mein kaise chale jate hai, 3 filme kaise shoot kar lete hai aur apke toh 2 bachche hai ghar pe.' They should be given guilt about all of this and not just women."
She added, "Women are wired in a way that they always feel guilty about choosing their work over their children. I did choose a meeting over my kids' PTA. I have made these hard choices. I remember I had a conference that day and my son's first performance in a musical theatrical was also on the same day, I had to miss it. But, thankfully, they had three shows of that theatrical so I got to go to one of those. So irrespective of someone pointing it out, the guilt is always there. I just want to know how are men wired. And these questions should be asked to them time and over again because apparently they do not feel guilty. Toh humein puchte rehna chahiye jab tak unke mann mein guilt aa na jaye because women are anyway feeling guilty"
As Tahira Kashyap's film Sharmajee Ki Beti deals with three women who are more or less somewhere trying to find the middle path between personal and professional life like Sakshi Tanwar's character Jyoti Sharma, who is a teacher struggling to bond with her daughter due to her busy life, or Divya Dutta's character Kiran, whose husband feels disconnected and Saiyami Kher, who is trying to make it big in cricket, but has a demotivating boyfriend, the writer-director shares how she manages all of her roles--mother, wife, writer, director--and also keeps her individuality untouched, while staying financially independent despite being "in the shadow of Ayushmann Khurrana" as the world believes.
Tahira, who enjoys being a mother, wife and a homemaker, says, "Honestly, writing is my work. It is passion driven but it is also paying me. For me, it is very important to be financially independent and for me to have my own source of income."
"I don't want to fight if people think I am an extension of Ayushmann Khurrana", said Tahira. She added, "I am sure there must be some influence of my husband being a star. I had a big problem with my surname, a major part of me fought with my surname. I was like, 'Who am I? Am I Tahira Kashyap, Tahira Kashyap Khurrana or Tahira Khurrana. So a major part of me went fighting what should people address me and I was so complexed about that. And the day I let it be and I was okay with myself, and my growth, it didn't matter to me. And I think that's when people started looking at me for the person that I am. You could think that I am an extension of someone but once you meet me and you have a communication with me, perhaps what you will take back home is Tahira and not just so many other surnames attached to it."
Tahira says she is proud of the relationships in her life. "These are the relationships that I have nurtured and I am so proud. We have been together since high school. We have been dreaming for each other and are the biggest cheerleaders of each other. So today, if my partner is doing well, it is my personal victory and I am not going to shy away from that. If people want to feel that I am an extension of him, it's their own perception, I am not going to fight it because these people don't hold any place in my life. I have my own journey and he is equally proud of my journey. So if today somebody calls me Ayushmann's wife, or Viraj aur Virushka's mother, I take pride in it. They are my family members and they are doing well. Today, if you are calling me their mother or wife, I am simply proud of it. There has been a time when we have seen the tough days too. We have seen that together. It has not always been pleasant so we are very sure of each other's journey and that's all matters. So, even if the world perceives me to be in Ayushmann's shadow, I am okay with it because I know of my relationship with him," said Tahira.
Tahira too had her own struggles trying to set herself apart as an individual and not just Ayushmann's wife. She shared, "When you are sure of yourself and your energy is not being spent on demarketing that line that 'this is me' and 'this is him'. I wouldn't say I didn't waste my time doing this. A good part of me in my 20s, I was just doing that. When you are young, you feel more complex, but as you age I think you become more forgiving about people also. There is no effort that goes into the demarcation that 'this is my individual journey'. I think the demarcation is already there in terms of our career choices. I am a writer-director and he is an actor and that's enough to demarcate our professional lives. In personal life, he has his father role and I have my mother role. So there is nothing for me to work towards and create a line of divide ki 'yeh mai hu, tumhe mujhe respect karna padega.'"
Tahira Kashyap's Sharmajee Ki Beti will stream on Amazon Prime Video from June 28.
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