What is micro-cheating? Relationship experts explain new term in dating world
What is micro-cheating? Relationship experts explain new term in dating world
Social media is rife with discussions about "micro-cheating," a modern term for subtle acts of betrayal, as noted by the Washington Post. With every "like" and comment easily visible, couples are increasingly turning into digital detectives, scrutinising each other's online behaviour for signs of disloyalty.
However, this hyper-vigilance creates a confusing landscape. The abundance of digital interactions makes it hard to define boundaries: what’s a harmless double-tap and what’s a virtual transgression? Relationship expertscaution that this new territory can lead to privacy violations and unhealthy levels of online monitoring. The key question remains: how much access to a partner’s online life is fair, and where do we draw the line between openness and unhealthy surveillance in a relationship?
So, what actually counts as cheating? Rana Coniglio, an Arizona-based therapist, told the Washington Post that clients frequently express concerns about their partner’s online behaviour. For instance, if someone’s Snapchat score, which reflects their activity on the app, increases while they’re at work, does it mean they’re cheating? Does following a model on X imply untrustworthiness? Who are they messaging in DMs? Is it problematic if they still follow their ex?
This struggle isn't unique to Coniglio's clients, who are predominantly young women. (Men seek therapy less often, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.) Coniglio, who also creates educational TikToks for her 20,000 followers, notes that her inbox is often filled with questions trying to define modern infidelity: My girlfriend sends Instagram reels to her attractive co-worker—is that cheating?
The answer varies depending on whom you ask. Each relationship has different boundaries, and what might be crossing the line for one couple could be entirely normal for another.
On TikTok, some videos humorously list "micro-cheating" behaviours like liking someone else's post, which fosters a sense of hyper-vigilance and distrust. This trend coincides with a larger disillusionment with love and romance among young people. Dating apps, often seen as superficial and algorithm-driven, contribute to this decline. Additionally, sexual activity among young adults is at an all-time low.
Adding to these challenges, a recent CDC report (2023) highlights a worrying increase in teen sexual assault cases. Given these circumstances, relationship expert Esther Perel concludes that it’s understandable why young people struggle with trust in relationships.