The Skinny Post: Chiefs mess up their rings and the Bryson DeChambeau of the NFL

We have passed the midway point in June and have just over a month to go until NFL training camps kick off in earnest. Thankfully House of the Dragon is back to help us bide a bit more time.

The offseason drought makes talking about the NFL a bit more challenging than usual but that only makes it more fun. Michael Peterson and RJ Ochoa are once again up for the latest edition of The Skinny Post to discuss all things Football League of National.

Some required reading so that all of the jokes and points hit you properly:

Let’s begin.

The Kansas City Chiefs messed up their Super Bowl rings and that is hilarious

Michael:

If I didn’t make it abundantly clear in the first edition of The Skinny Post, I am a Chargers fan so this bit of news was a real juicy morsel when it dropped last week. Now let’s be frank, I’d trade my life savings and the deed to my house if it meant the Chargers could win a Super Bowl in my lifetime but that won’t stop me from dunking on the Chiefs when I can.

This is one of those moments.

Kansas City unveiled their latest Super Bowl rings and while they’re as gorgeous as you’d expect, there was a minor mistake that was missed. Inside the ring, the Chiefs listed all of their opponents they defeated en route to winning the championship along with their seed for the postseason. However, the Chiefs engraved a “7” next to the Dolphins, denoting them as the seventh seed. Here’s the thing: The Steelers were the seventh seed while the Dolphins were the sixth seed.

I cannot express just how embarrassing this must be for the back-to-back Super Bowl champs. It’s so embarrassing they may end up finishing last in the AFC West this season. The expected ridicule will simply be too much for Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid.

It was a great dynasty while it lasted though!

RJ:

Objectively speaking, the ring thing is a disaster. Nobody can change my mind on this.

In our day and age where teams focus on the symbolism and meaning behind things like how many diamonds are in the ring and whatnot, messing up a crucial detail is a bad look and hilarious from the outside. What’s more is that it seems like the reason Kansas City put the seeds in the first place was to emphasize how tough their path to their latest title was given that they beat the Buffalo Bills (No. 2), Baltimore Ravens (No. 1) and San Francisco 49ers (No. 1). They literally beat both No 1 seeds and that is in fact ridiculously impressive.

So with this being the case... the mistake in question actually makes their playoff path look less impressive. The flub makes the Dolphins look worse than they were, which is once again hilarious given everything involved. Ultimately a detail on your third Super Bowl ring in five years is the pinnacle definition of rich people problems, but imagine being the person who signed off on this getting the phone call about it all once the internet saw the rings.

Under the radar players who could completely change perception with a title

RJ:

As noted up top, Bryson DeChambeau won the U.S. Open on Sunday, his second major championship. Incidentally both of them are U.S. Open victories.

I am a massive golf fan (shout out to our colleagues here at SB Nation over at Playing Through for being a daily read of mine) and in case you aren’t then what you need to know is that Bryson was a bit, um, unpopular over the last few years.

It is difficult to explain exactly why Bryson was so not liked, given that it is a lot of things. His personality rubbed people the wrong way (he had a lot to do with that), but in the last year or so he has really turned things around.

DeChambeau lost golf’s most recent major championship (the PGA Championship at Valhalla) to Xander Schauffele by one stroke, and even as someone who appreciates Xander a ton I was so bummed for Bryson. It was confusing.

Watching Bryson get it done on Sunday at Pinehurst and taking down a fan favorite like Rory McIlroy in the process and being overwhelmingly happy for Bryson was such a weird sequence of emotions given everything up to this point. In the spirit of this... I wanted Michael and I to take a shot at figuring out which NFL players could elicit similar emotions.

Ultimately I think that the answer is Kirk Cousins. Netflix’s Quarterback really elevated Kirk’s reputation for a lot of people and his season-ending Achilles injury last year while he was playing great football seemed to pull even more people into his corner. Then there is also the fact that his new team in the Atlanta Falcons drafted Michael Penix Jr. right after paying Kirk to join them in the first place.

Imagine if Kirk led the Falcons to the Super Bowl this season? If Kirk was the person to slay the 28-3 demons? If Kirk were the one to do it all? Given everything that has happened up to this point?

Dare I say it would be Bryson DeChambeau winning the U.S. Open at Pinehurst.

Michael:

I’m going to hop into your neck of the woods and use Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott as my choice here.

Prescott is widely viewed as one of the better quarterbacks in the NFL. Depending on who you ask, he probably varies anywhere between the top 15, top 10, and even the top 5 of NFL quarterbacks during some stretches of the season. The unfortunate part is that, despite being on a team that had both a top-5 offense and top-10 defense over the past three seasons, Prescott has not been able to guide the Cowboys out of the Divisional Round in three consecutive playoff appearances. He’s 2-5 in the playoffs and 1-3 since 2021. Those numbers are not becoming of a team that has been one of the best regular-season clubs of the past 10 years and has 12 wins in each of the past three seasons.

So similar to what you had to say about Kirk Cousins, the recent narrative around Prescott and the Cowboys could be flipped on its head were they to win their first Super Bowl since 1995. The thing is, maybe they need to stop being so successful during the regular season so the pressure isn’t nearly as high come the postseason? Maybe they should barely squeak into the playoffs and then they can play with nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Thoughts? Prayers? Sounds like a steel-clad plan to me.

How we would approach the McDonald’s fantasy football eating punishment

Michael:

Alright so I loved this story when you sent it to me.

A guy got last place in his fantasy football league and his punishment was that he has to spend 24 hours inside a McDonald’s. However, he has the opportunity to “eat his way out” by consuming menu items, each of which are paired with a time amount that gets taken off the clock. So for example, if he eats a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, he gets 45 minutes taken off the clock. If he consumes an entire hotcakes and sausage combo meal, he gets an hour taken off.

Here is the full structure:

So now let’s talk how I would personally attack this thing.

If I began at the crack of dawn, I would start with a plethora of Sausage McMuffins with Egg. Normally I’m just an Egg McMuffin guy, but the additional sausage would provide 15 more minutes off the clock and that little slab of meat added won’t affect my overall stomach capacity. I would gorge myself on those until I simply couldn’t anymore. Maybe that’s six or seven of them which amounts to about 5 hours already gone. From there, I’d intermittently nap to pass the time and digest. When I wake, I’d consume another McMuffin or switch to the double cheeseburgers as the morning turns to afternoon.

While a McDouble is only 30 minutes off, a double cheeseburger is 45 minutes. I’m not entirely sure what the difference is between the two, but it can’t be much of anything so we’re going with the item that takes more time off the clock.

If I can get out of there before the sun sets entirely, I’d be happy (and grossly full).

RJ:

Full disclosure: I sent this to a lot of people on Saturday morning, coincidentally while I was in the drive-thru at McDonald’s of all places. Life can be funny like that.

But my perspective on this is that the goal should not be to get out of there as quickly as possible. My goal would be to spend something like 7-8 hours physically in the building and spend the time writing, reading or watching something. Determining that getting out in an hour is the first step of acceptance here. You’ve got to lean into the ordeal.

Understanding that I’m trying to shave about 16 hours off I feel the need to say that as a kid I really enjoyed the hash browns from McDonald’s. I would eat around four in a single sitting... as a kid.

With the belly of an adult I really think that this would be the cheat code for me as my child-like order of four would knock out an hour at a time. Hash browns are also really small relative to everything else so I think I could do about 16 over the course of my first hour. After some time to settle I think I could repeat this and boom, half the time I want to take off is now gone. Presto, baby.

For the record I do not think I have had an actual hamburger from McDonald’s since around the time that I was crushing hash browns with regularity (as a Texan I am a Whataburger loyalist). That being said I think a cheeseburger is an easy mountain to climb four times to take another two hours off. Six to go.

I think at this point you kind of have to accept that this is where things start to suck so I would just do the “Big Breakfast with Hotcakes” three times to drag myself across the finish line.

Boom. Done. Easy.