I came to the UK to study but couldn't afford to live

Pranjali had never considered herself as ‘poor’, until now (Picture: Pranjali Hasotkar)

Palms sweating, heart racing, I frantically searched my mind for a response.

‘I… I have a class submission tomorrow,’ I stuttered eventually. ‘I’ll have to miss it. Sorry.’

Luckily, my friends seemed to accept this and the conversation quickly moved on. But inside I felt inadequate, ashamed.

This was just the latest in a long line of ‘no’s’ that I had said to plans. And while the majority of the time I genuinely had work to do, this time around, I’d lied.

In truth, I just couldn’t afford a spontaneous day trip to Oxford.

What had now become abundantly clear to me was that, by comparison, I was just too poor to hang out with my friends – but I could never tell them that.

I come from a simple family where money has always been tight. Growing up, I was always taught to save and not spend, so much so that it has become almost second nature to segregate my wants and needs.

While I’d love to splash some cash on new clothes or fancy dinners, I’ve always sacrificed this for the essentials, like getting groceries or travelling to university.

But even so, I’d never considered myself as ‘poor’.

It’s exhausting to try and keep up with the London lifestyle (Picture: Pranjali Hasotkar)

While the term is quite subjective – literally it means ‘lacking sufficient money to live at a standard considered comfortable or normal in a society’ – before I moved to the UK, I believe I was in a decent financial state, if not comfortable.

It was only after I first moved here in September 2023 that all changed.

London is a dynamic city, it’s part of the reason I chose to study in it, but it is also exhausting trying to keep up with it – especially when you are a student and not earning.

My first brush at feeling lesser than my friends was when everyone decided to go out regularly.

Being an international student I knew just how important it was to network and make friends, so I’d go out with them as much as possible.

Unsurprisingly, I then found it all too easy to lose my self-control and began spending recklessly. I’d go out drinking twice a week with my friends, spend money on unnecessary shopping sprees of things I didn’t need and splurge in Indian grocery stores.

A month in, it felt like my account balance was mocking me as I slowly started to realise I just could not spend as much or keep up with my friends.

She was filled with shame and also envy (Picture: Pranjali Hasotkar)

What started as chaotic yet memorable nights out – exploring the city with my new-found freedom and experimenting with delicious food – soon ended with me either drinking just a pint or RSVPing ‘no’ to these nights out, eating less and travelling by the cheapest mode of transport.

Eventually, I lost myself.

My mind was now constantly fogged by the dread of an upcoming ‘your current balance is…’ message from my bank.

The differences between how my friends and I handled money also started to become more evident.

I began maintaining a weekly budget – allocating up to £25 for groceries and travel and an extra £10-20 a week for emergencies or unfathomable circumstances – meanwhile I had a friend who was quite open about spending £100 for one pair of jeans.

It was the look of ‘what? Is this not normal?’ on his face compared to the look of total shock and horror on my face that made me rethink everything.

That’s when I had the daunting realisation that I may just be poor.

I remember being filled with shame and also envy.

A friend jokingly called her poor (Picture: Pranjali Hasotkar)

Why was it that my friends could seemingly go on impromptu outings without a second thought, while I was left to have sleepless and emotionally distressed nights over my budget?

It seemed wholly unfair.

In the last seven months I have missed out on countless bar crawls, spontaneous dinners, expensive birthday night outs and day-trips outside London.

But what upsets me most is the close friendships, bonds, inside jokes and connections I have lost as a result of not being financially able to keep up with some friends’ lifestyles – not to mention their comments.

I often hear, ‘Oh, it’s just £20 – it’s not expensive’ in reply to my ‘Sorry, I can’t come – I am on a tight budget’ pleas.

On a separate occasion, a friend jokingly called me poor for not owning a better phone. This wouldn’t normally upset me, but with my financial condition in mind, this statement felt like a stab in the chest.

I don’t blame them for not understanding, but I do expect them to respect my choices, perhaps even choose a more affordable alternative every once in a while.

Granted, I have received empathetic replies from a few people. Typically they’ll say ‘It will be alright’ or ‘Don’t stress too much’, but that’s about as far as it goes.

Pranjali finally found a few people like minded people in her apartment complex (Picture: Pranjali Hasotkar)

Because if you’ve never had to compromise when it comes to money, then you won’t truly understand what it means to find a middle-ground.

While I’d love to say I’m doing better, the reality is that money is still as tight as ever – but, thankfully, I am slowly starting to feel less embarrassed about it.

I have finally found a few people in my apartment complex. They are a bunch of students like me, and we met accidentally over the Easter break.

After talking to them and spending time with them I realised that they are the kind of people who understand my reasons to live frugally and respect how I handle my money.

One of my friends has repeatedly told me that she is proud of how I manage my finances, and it might not be much for someone – but hearing that gave my self-esteem the boost I did not think it needed.

For the first time since I moved here, I feel seen – transparent and not inferior amongst them.

One day I hope to be in a place where occasionally the lines between my ‘needs’ and ‘wants’ will blur – maybe then I’ll be able to afford spontaneous trips to Oxford or places further afield.

Until then, I’ll certainly never judge anyone for saying they can’t afford to do something. And while I may be ‘poor’ in terms of funds, the true friendships I have and will build, are sure to make me the richest person in the room.

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