Why your honeymoon should not be the first trip with your partner

Solo travel, they say, is one of the best ways to discover oneself. And when you travel with someone, something similar happens – you get to know them better.

This is why several modern couples, especially those contemplating marriage, are taking trips with their prospective partners. It is helping them make better decisions and preventing them from marrying the wrong person.

Travelling offers more insight into a person. (Photo: Pexels)

Honeymoon as a first trip with your partner? It is passé.

For instance, when Tanisha (name changed), a 29-year-old professional working in Delhi, took a trip to Rishikesh with a person she met on a matrimony portal, she knew he would make a good spouse.

"After a few dates and speaking to him over two months, I knew I liked him. But just to be extra sure, I planned a weekend trip with him. For, I thought it would be a good way to know him better and see him sans any added mask of fakery. Those two days helped me realise that he indeed would be a good spouse – he was very considerate towards me throughout the trip and handled some tricky situations with utmost calm. Though there were some icks too, they were not deal-breakers for me. Another trip later, I knew he was the right one for me," she tells us.

They are now happily married and will soon celebrate their first wedding anniversary.

"I didn't tell my parents that I was going on a trip with him. They would have never allowed. But his parents knew, and I had also informed my close friends for safety purposes. But I am glad I took the decision, because it not only made me realise he is the right one but also strengthened our bond before we embarked on the wedding planning journey," she says.

How travelling helps you know a person better

Relationship experts agree that travelling with someone is a fantastic way to get to know them, especially if you are contemplating marriage. You are more likely to see their real personality than you would on a regular date or while conversing over calls.

The travel hiccups (like the cancellation of a hotel booking or the deflation of a car tyre) double up as opportunities to see them up close and know how they handle stress.

"The masks fall off when you are travelling. It offers more insight into a person," says Delhi-based relationship counsellor Ruchi Ruuh.

Seeing how your partner handles stress and makes decisions can provide valuable insight into their character. (Photo: Getty Images)

From shared interests and daily habits to conflict resolution, spending habits, patience, adjustment, and even intimacy – you get to know about it all when you travel with them, making the decision easier if you want to take the relationship to the next level or not.

Dr Preeti Singh, senior consultant clinical psychology and psychotherapy and chief medical officer at online mental health platform Lissun, adds that travelling is a great ice-breaker for people who are considering being together and it is better to know a person in different conditions and circumstances before you marry them.

Daman Philip, a relationship coach, agrees, "Travelling with a prospective partner is a valuable opportunity to learn more about each other in ways that daily life might not reveal. It tests and strengthens various aspects of the relationship, providing a solid foundation for a future together."

"Seeing how your partner handles stress, how they communicate, negotiate, and make decisions as a team in real-time can provide valuable insight into their character. Being together gives you an opportunity to learn about each other's likes and dislikes, comfort zones, values and beliefs, and how you both prioritise different aspects of a trip – agenda, spending, logistics, etc., opens up opportunities that reveal compatibility in daily habits and interests," Daman explains.

The planning process before the trip also offers a better understanding of a person.

"If that person wants a beach holiday and you hate beaches, the situation can give you a glimpse of their rigidity and how they make decisions," says Ruchi.

Planning a trip with a person also helps in understanding them better. (Photo: Getty Images)

While preparing the itinerary or holidaying together, you can also see if he or she will participate in your interests. "If you are interested in arts, would they go to a museum with you? You can gain better insight into a person on a holiday," she adds.

Travelling also fosters meaningful conversations. "You are less stressed and are able to hold better conversations. Indulging in difficult conversations also becomes easier," says Dr Singh.

A mini live-in?

Relationship experts also say that travelling together is like a mini live-in.

Ruchi Ruuh, who believes living in is a great way of knowing people, says that travel can be a viable option for those who don't want to go live-in.

"Living in requires commitment, and there are several other hard aspects to deal with like finances, societal scrutiny and informing the parents. But with travel, you can just go and spend two to three days and then return. You're just together for the travel, and then you can break up and even leave if you don't get along well," says Ruchi.

This can specifically work for those looking for a partner to marry but don't want to spend years dating.

"It helps us clarify our decision on how a person is – if there are any major issues about certain things – it can become clearer in such spaces," adds Dr Singh.

Unlike a honeymoon, where you are already tied in the knot of matrimony, travel plans during the courtship period still give you a chance to call off things and prevent you from marrying the wrong person.

Instead of just testing and judging the person, focus on understanding potential future dynamics too.

"Pay attention to how both react to different situations and discuss your observations openly. Create a comfortable space to reflect on these experiences and this, in turn, can deepen your understanding of each other," says Daman Philip.

The move may appear as a challenge to society, but if it helps you with the life-changing decision that marriage is – isn't it perhaps worth it?

Just remember to keep a family member or close friend informed, even if you plan to take that trip sneakily.

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