Why I skirted Emirati tradition and moved out of my parents’ house after marriage
I’m lucky to work in a diverse office with people from all walks of life, with different cultures and backgrounds.
Being an Emirati, I often get asked questions by colleagues who are new to the UAE and intrigued by the country's customs and traditions. While I can give insight into most subjects – from culture to cuisine – I don’t think I can be considered an example of the typical Emirati man.
One of the most common points of discussion is marriage – the process itself, the steps of the engagement and the wedding, leading to the quirks of married life.
Mine wasn't all that different from other Emiratis. But in one particular departure from custom, I chose to move out and live with my wife in an apartment in downtown Abu Dhabi.
Remaining at home after marriage is not strictly an Emirati tradition, of course. Across the Arab world, many young couples remain in either the man or even the woman's parents' home. But as more Arab societies become urbanised, and houses become smaller and more modern, the tradition has receded for some.
In my case, moving out wasn’t easy. My mother tried her best to convince me to stay for at least the first three years. Financially speaking, it would have been the better choice. I wouldn’t have had to pay rent during a time I was building a new life with my partner. But the main consideration was not money. It was having a place to call our own from the start.
The columnist says his wife and he prefer to be in the heart of the city, choosing to live in downtown Abu Dhabi. Khushnum Bhandari / The National
As I was growing up, it became more apparent to my family that I valued my solitude and own space. While my siblings shared rooms, I always had my own. When it was time to prepare for life after the wedding, my wife and I agreed that it was important to make the big step and get our own place.
Being from Kuwait, she was moving here to be with me. I didn’t think it was fair to move her from one family house into another. Getting married is a massive stride towards independence, and we felt it needed the appropriate accompaniment of having one’s own abode.
The timing was somewhat fortuitous, all things considered, given that we secured an apartment two weeks before the world shut down due to the Covid-19 pandemic. While I do love my family, I think it made it easier to go through lockdown in my own space.
Location was a major factor in making the decision, too. My family lives in the outer suburbs of Abu Dhabi. And while there are advantages to that, such as the quiet atmosphere and large empty spaces, being out there was starting to feel dull. My wife and I prefer to be in the heart of a bustling city and chose to live by the Corniche instead.
Since we moved into our own place, more advantages have become apparent. Visiting family at weekends proves that, for me, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Having pets would also not have been easy if I lived in my parents’ house. They don’t like having animals in the house and my sister is afraid of cats.
It is not always going to be the best option for everyone. Most young couples will opt to save money and live in a free space despite the restrictions, with some even choosing to stay to strengthen the nuclear family, but there is no substitute to earned freedoms.