The Bear Recap: Meet Sammy Fak

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The Bear has always made a splash when casting guest stars. Oftentimes, it’s worked pretty well. Jon Bernthal as Mikey? Great. Bob Odenkirk as an asshole uncle? Sign me up. Jamie Lee Curtis as a drunk live wire of a mom? Interesting, but not an absurd idea.

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But the biggest cameo mistake is made in “Children.” Introducing John Cena as Sammy Fak just makes no sense. None at all. I get that it seems like a fun idea to have one of the nine Faks be this huge, muscular guy who looks different from Neil and Ted, but the execution of it, with the hauntings and the smoking and the SD cards and the time spent leaning up against the bar in the kitchen with the rest of the gang is just weird. I’m a Cena defender — I love Peacemaker! — but there was never a moment when he was onscreen in this episode that I believed that was Sammy Fak. Instead, I thought, What’s John Cena doing in this shot?” or “Why is John Cena there? or That’s John Cena. It didn’t work, and it’s a bummer.

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Beyond that, while I love the Faks, they were too much in this episode. My friend Genevieve Koski (Vulture’s senior TV editor) said they became more of a main ingredient than a seasoning this season, and that’s certainly the case here. Their banter is fun sometimes, even though I can’t understand half of it. But when it’s so much of the episode and you can’t understand it? It just feels tedious. It’s cute that they’re friends and that we hear weird details about their lives, like how Ted put Neil in a box when he was 6 years old and that made him claustrophobic ever since, but it’s just not moving the show along. I’m not saying I need them to go on a spiritual journey of self-improvement like Richie, but I also don’t tune in to The Bear to watch the Marx Brothers.

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But I do tune in for Marcus and Natalie, both of whom are going through their own shit this week. Natalie’s up all night worrying about being a mom, with all that fretting set to the main title from The Night of the Hunter, “Dream Little One, Dream.” You just want to scream, “You’ll be good! It’s hard, but the fact that you’re scared means you know what to look for!” But she’s not a real person, and that’s not how TV works.

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Marcus has just sold his mom’s house and is dealing with the finality of the whole affair. Syd is there to help and talk about the awkward moment they had last season, but they don’t address it beyond that. I still can’t understand why anyone ships Carmy and Syd when Syd and Marcus are right there. Dead Moms Club, activate!

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Perhaps the biggest story of the episode is the impending closure of Chef Terry’s restaurant, Ever. (It’s also Curtis Duffy’s Ever in real life, which is very much not closing, as far as I can tell.) A fine-dining institution in fictional Chicago for over 30 years, it seemed like the kind of place that would just always be there. The loss stresses Carmy out more than usual, whether because it’s the end of an era of his life or potentially a bad omen for the kind of fine dining that he adores. Still, I suppose all of that will really come to a head during the “funeral” after Ever closes, which I hope we’ll get to see this season, if only because Olivia Colman is amazing.

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Also amazing: The hard truth coming out of The Computer. While it’s impossible to agree with his suggestions — get rid of Marcus? Bite your tongue — he’s certainly speaking the truth when he says that The Bear needs to rein in its produce and floral budgets, cut its wine costs, and get rid of the phone line. I could go either way with the charger plates because it is ridiculous that you have to wash a plate no one uses, but they make a table look nicer when you sit down. Maybe some creative, no-wash-needed version of the same thing would work just as well. A wood trivet? I don’t know. Also, they’re only open five days a week? You’d think that would have come up while Natalie was budgetcstretching, especially when considering that third turn.

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Bringing The Computer in, though, is really just a chance for Oliver Platt to shine. He’s consistently amazing and relatable as Cicero, and I loved him giving Carmy a little straight talk, telling him that if he were running the restaurant as well as he thought, then The Computer wouldn’t need to be there. He is also pretty sweet to Syd, who seems understandably intimidated by him. He seems to genuinely want her to sign her partnership, and he’s uncharacteristically open when he tells her that he’s worried he screwed things up for the Berzattos as kids by not being around. “Different kind of little, different kind of late,” he quips.

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Syd rightly tells him that he’s there now, which is all that matters, especially considering the storm that seems to be brewing with Natalie’s impending delivery, the shuttering of Chef Terry’s spot, and whatever’s coming out in that Tribune review. When you see Carmy digging through a box of photos in the basement labeled “DD,” you just know something’s coming soon in the pipeline.

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Small Bites 

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• Whenever Carmy can’t figure out that duck or lamb dish he’s making, he just tosses the whole thing in the trash. Let me be the first to say I would eat that duck and/or lamb out of the trash, assuming it just went in the can. Period. It looks incredible. Sue me.

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• Also, please sign me up for Carmy’s “cubed chocolate mousse” idea.

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• On the other hand, while I would certainly fuck with Tina’s cauliflower-Brussels dish, it seems a little too basic for The Bear. Admittedly, I don’t know what that sauce is or what veggies are cooked in it. It’s just like it needs one other element. I don’t know. Edible flowers?

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• Other things I learned in this episode: what “lightning crotch” is; that the violet is the state flower of Illinois; and that to be a great server, you need a lot of courage.

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