What If a Cockroach Crawled Into Your Brain?

Is that a Roach crawling it? There's a Roach. There's a what? A Roach. She's got a Roach on you dance. Oh my God. Hope you don't take it home with you. I don't want something on me. This is so gross. Imagine the worst headache you've ever had. But here's the thing. It's not a migraine, an allergy, or even a concussion. It's something far nastier. A cockroach has crawled inside your brain. I can't. I can't. That's too gross. How did it get in there? Why did it crawl in there in the 1st place? And how bad is this going to hurt? This is what if, and here's what would happen if a cockroach crawled into your brain. Do you want to hear something gross? Each year in the United States, there are over 100 medical cases of foreign body obstructions in the ear canal, and 10% of those obstructions are insects, most notably cockroaches. Cockroaches can be anywhere from 1:00 to 5:00 centimeters in length and typically live less than 300 days, but some species can live up to two years. These little monsters are the ultimate survivors. They can survive for 40 minutes without air and up to 30 minutes underwater. And they're tough, too. Cockroaches can be almost completely flattened and still survive. They're meant to last, and one of the ways they like to ensure this is to hide in tight, dark crevices. You know, like baseboards under floors and your ear canal. And to make matters worse, the cockroaches have decided to dig a little deeper. Deeper as in crawling around your brain. OK, in defence of cockroaches, I never thought I'd say that they are not actively looking to get inside humans, but they sometimes crawl into ears because they're looking for a dark hiding space. Maybe it's a sign of affection. A disgusting, nightmarish sign of affection. So while you're fast asleep, missus cockroach is crawling along into your brain. What would that even feel like? Well, first you would feel a swelling in your ear. Blood or pus might even drain from your ear, and in extreme cases, hearing loss is a real possibility. You're feeling this because as the cockroach explores your ear canal, it would encounter small hairs and wax. The ear canal itself is typically .8 centimeters in diameter, so it would be a tight squeeze even for a cockroach. Next, the cockroach would need to cross the eardrum, or the tympanic membrane. The tissues of this membrane are extremely sensitive and the cockroach would have to push through it or brace yourself. Chew through it. If you didn't have a headache before, you sure will now. The cockroach will then make its way to your inner ear, AKA the labyrinth of the ear. This place lives up to its name. It's a complete maze located in the temporal bone. It contains the vestibule, the semicircular canals, and other parts of your head you weren't expecting to have guests in. If the cockroach gets past this, then it could travel through the auditory nerve to the brain. So let's say the cockroach manages to get into your brain. It's going to make itself at home, which is not a good thing for you. The cockroach would start digging holes and puncturing blood vessels in the process. This would lead to hemorrhaging, infection, and even death if left untreated. Luckily for you, you've got some security. Your skull, an adult skull, consists of the neurocranium, the protective shell, and the visceral cranium, the facial skeleton. What all this means is you'll be able to stop the Roach in its tracks, but you're not out of the woods yet. Apparently roaches can't crawl backwards, which is a horrible fact to learn while one is in your head. You need to go to the hospital and get that sucker removed immediately. So, could this really happen to you? Well, maybe. According to the Times of India, a very unlucky woman started suffering head pain and a tingling, crawling sensation. It wasn't until her third visit to the hospital that doctors found the reason for her horrible headaches. A large and very much alive cockroach was hanging out in her skull, right between her eyes. It was there for 12 hours before doctors were able to remove it. And that's just one of several real life cases of insects spelunking around in people's heads. So if you take anything away from this, it's to protect that brain of yours. You never know what might be wanting to move in. But what if the tables were turned and you were crawling inside some other creature? What if you were swallowed by an Anaconda? Well, that's a story for another What if?