EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: Why Keir Starmer was sat next to the King's private secretary at the state banquet

The decision to seat Sir Keir Starmer next to the King's private secretary Sir Clive Alderton at the state banquet was no accident.

It was an opportunity for the Palace to learn the would-be PM's style, foibles and his preferred tipple.

Being asked to have a drink with the private secretary is akin to being summoned to the headmaster's study.

The decision to seat Sir Keir Starmer next to the King's private secretary Sir Clive Alderton at the state banquet was no accident. Pictured: Sir Keir with his wife Victoria

Is Keir Starmer embarrassed about being a knight of the realm? 

He didn't wear the neck badge and medal that distinguish him as a Knight of the Most Honourable Order of the Bath. 

Old hands thought it a little rude in the presence of the King and Prince William, newly appointed Great Master of the Bath.

Delighted with her purchase of Gucci gloves in Las Vegas, Donna Air, opened the box before her homebound flight to try them on.

'There was only one in the box,' she wails.

'Furious, I go all the way back to Gucci and the guy in the shop says: 'Ma'am, it's a golf glove.'

Air dear: Donna was surprised to find only one Gucci glove in the box - only to discover she had bought a golfing glove

Miriam Margolyes met the late Queen at a literary event, where she trilled: 'Your Majesty – I'm the best reader of stories in the world!' 

HM moved on to a guest who sold books to dyslexic children and Miriam squeaked 'How wonderful'. 

Her Majesty, she recalls, 'turned to me and said, 'Be quiet!'

ITN'S Tom Bradby, who suffered a breakdown in 2018, feels he should have reached out to BBC rival Huw Edwards when he suffered mental health issues after his explicit photo scandal.

Asked by Radio Times whether he could have helped, Bradby replied: 'Yes, probably. You think about the world differently once you've had a breakdown.'

Mick Jagger risks opprobrium with his take on the England 1998 football shirt for the Rolling Stones' £60 Universal FC top.

The Union Jack and the Three Lions badge have been replaced with the Stones' red tongue logo.

Would Harry Kane and the lacklustre lions be kickstarted if their shirts were emblazoned with the Stones' hit Start Me Up?

Mick Jagger risks opprobrium with his take on the England 1998 football shirt for the Rolling Stones' £60 Universal FC top

Labour nearly-man Neil Kinnock raises a sceptical eyebrow at opinion polls naming Keir Starmer as the politician voters would most like to have as a neighbour. 

'It used to be the same with me,' he says. 'People thought, 'If I had a bad back, he'd do my garden. I used to top the polls on all that stuff – they just didn't want to vote for me!'

Dame Patricia Routledge is unlikely to mourn Keeping Up Appearances director Harold Snoad, who has died aged 88.

In his memoir, Harold alleged that Patricia had been reluctant to 'chip in' a fiver for the cast party at the end of the first series.

Patricia, 95, remains a fragrant bouquet, and never a Bucket!