The best thing you can do to raise resilient children, from a developmental psychologist

Every parent makes mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over it.

That's not just a platitude: It's advice from developmental psychologist Aliza Pressman, who spoke about how to teach children resilience at the Aspen Ideas Festival on Monday.

"It is so brave to be a parent. You have no choice but to mess up. So, the best we can do is to start to reframe that messing up as a crucial part of modeling [bravery] for our kids," said Pressman, the co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center and author of the book "The 5 Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans."

Show your kids that it's OK to make and learn from your mistakes, she recommended: Instead of telling them to stop stressing or lighten up during tough moments, simply make sure they feel loved for who they are, safe sharing their feelings and comfortable just being themselves.

Learning to manage difficult emotions in stressful situations helps children develop the resilience they need to grow into happy, successful adults.

"We absolutely need some stress for resilience building," Pressman said.

When parents help, stress can build resilience

The mark of a healthy, resilient child is one who can go through a stressful or disappointing situation, like failing a test or having a falling out with a good friend, and still rebound and "go back to happy from whatever experience they're having," Pressman said.

"That's resilience: coming back after a setback, stress, even trauma," she noted.

Constant stress, of course, is probably unhealthy. In most situations, simply checking in with your child to see how they're coping — and letting them know you love and support them, no matter what — is enough to keep stress from turning toxic and growing into a mental health concern, according to Pressman.

"You basically just have to be present more often than not," she said, adding: "It's not [toxic stress] because you're thinking about it, because you're responding to it and because you're there for your kids."

Pressman's advice isn't uncommon: Talking openly about your mistakes, how you overcame them and what you learned can help children develop what psychologists call a "growth mindset," experts say. That can help normalize — and depressurize — the experience of overcoming difficult situations, Indiana University psychologist Mary C. Murphy wrote for CNBC Make It in March.

"Almost anything worth doing usually involves a bit of struggle, especially at the beginning," Murphy wrote.

Disclosure: NBCUniversal News Group, of which CNBC is a part, is the media partner of the Aspen Ideas Festival.

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