Money Manners: 'How do we split the cost of my wife's birthday dinner?'

Money Manners is Honey Money's weekly column that deals with money etiquette matters that can be the cause of many an awkward encounter.

Submit your Money Manners questions to Jo Abi at [email protected]

This week's question comes via a 9honey reader and it could end up costing him, big time.

Question: 'How do we split the bill for my wife's birthday dinner?

It's my wife's birthday in a few weeks and I want to organise dinner in a nice restaurant for her with all of our friends. But am I meant to pay for everyone?

It's my wife's birthday in a few weeks and I want to organise dinner in a nice restaurant for her.

My wife says I should pay for everyone but I was thinking we would all pay for ourselves, like we normally do when we go out to dinner together.

My wife works for a big company and when we went out to dinner with some of her colleagues for a birthday, the husband paid for everyone. I just don't have that kind of money.

My wife says I should pay for everyone but I was thinking we would all pay for ourselves.

I'm also worried that they will all expect me to pay for them which would be awkward when the bill arrives.

I want to figure this all out before the night so we are on the same page and there is no stress.

Advice: It's all in the wording

I have been in this situation many, many times and have found it is all in the wording, or it should be. So many times I've been invited to birthday dinners and been confused about who is paying.

I'm always happy to pay for myself to celebrate a friend's birthday but am never happy when the bill is split evenly and we are all expected to pay this, when I don't drink. At one particularly awkward birthday dinner I did notice one friend tell everyone she'd already eaten and not order anything to the table.

She ordered her drink separately and therefore wasn't expected to split the bill and I have kept here strategy in my wheelhouse ever since.

For your wife's birthday, it's all about the wording of the invitation. And be specific. It's so annoying how everyone tiptoes around money talk. We really need to stop that, particularly as most of us are having to tighten our belts.

Firstly, explain to your wife you aren't happy to pay for everyone but will plan a special night out. When you invite everyone, just say something like: "We'd love to see you to celebrate [wife's name]'s birthday.

Firstly, explain to your wife you aren't happy to pay for everyone but will plan a special night out.

"Please feel free to join us for a drink or if you'd like to stay for dinner, let me know numbers and I will organise a set menu for us."

Then let the restaurant know that you'd like people to pay for their drinks themselves as they go and for them not to go on the bill.

This makes it so easy!

Then, you have more money for a lovely gift for your wife and a delicious cake and she will appreciate the effort you have gone to in order to make her feel special, within your budget.

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