Inconsiderate Shopper Escalates to Rudeness

23/05/2024

Judith Martin, Miss Manners

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband was at the grocery store yesterday and a woman was blocking the aisle, bending over to look at an item on the shelf. A male shopper in front of my husband asked her to please move so he could pass by, which the woman did.

My husband, a man with a noticeable paunch, approached her next, asking her to let him by. She responded, “If you didn’t have such a big belly, I wouldn’t have to get out of your way.” My husband, a kind and friendly man, walked by -- shocked, rightfully insulted, and at a loss for words.

What would have been a good response from him to let the woman know how cruel and insensitive she was? Her remark hurt.

GENTLE READER: Do we think she was unaware of this? Or that any response would have been more effective than the hurt look on your husband’s face?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the hostess to two frequent houseguests (a married couple). They are delightful company and thoughtful guests, with one exception: They put their suitcases on the bed to pack and unpack. I have luggage racks in every guest bedroom in my house, including the one where they habitually stay, so there is no need for this distasteful and unsanitary practice.

Can you please suggest a kind way to request that they not put their luggage on the bed? I find it easy to have the kinds of conversations that are house-specific (“These are the Wi-Fi credentials,” “These are the hours we typically eat”). But I struggle with things that seem universal, such as “Please use a coaster” and “Please don’t put your luggage that has just come out of baggage handling onto these freshly laundered bed linens.”

GENTLE READER: There is no effective way to police what guests do in the guest room behind closed doors, which leaves Miss Manners suggesting two alternatives: less easily damaged guest bed covers, or better guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are new to the area, and my son got right into the popular crowd. The parents all hang out, too, but do not include my husband or myself, and make snide remarks when we are around.

The kids used to hang out at our house while the parents did elsewhere, but then the kids started going to other houses and excluding our son, saying, “Oh, our parents want us to stay in with them.”

It’s hurtful and rude. My husband and I aren’t looking for friends, but feel so bad our son is left out. Is it worth confronting a parent on this issue? Why are people so cliquey?

GENTLE READER: What exactly would you say? The parents already know they are being rude, and telling them so would be rude on your part.

Miss Manners suggests that the conversation to be had is with your son -- on the subject of why we do not wish to spend time with people who behave this way. She cautions you only to avoid collective guilt: Your son may well count as friends children who are themselves friendly and polite, even when their parents are not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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