Mother-in-law defended after refusing bride’s wedding request
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A mother-in-law has been defended after refusing a bride-to-be’s wedding request.
In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, the mother asked if she was in the wrong for refusing to make a “cookie table” for her son’s upcoming wedding to his partner, Wendy. She claimed that the bride doesn’t have a good relationship with her own mother, so Wendy’s trying to become close to her future mother-in-law
“She is not close to her own mother for multiple reasons and is pushing hard to have me fill in the gap,” she wrote. “I am not comfortable with it at all, especially with how hard she is pushing. She has multiple times overstepped boundaries such as inviting herself along, discussing very personal issues, being very touchy etc.”
The woman specified that she and her own daughters are not “fans” of Wendy, due to the bride-to-be’s issues with her family. She then revealed the bride’s request for a cookie table, noting that these treats would be made by members of the family. However, the mother of the groom said she ultimately turned the idea down.
“It is something the bride’s own mother would do with other female relatives,” she wrote about the cookie table. “This is the first time hearing about this tradition and I did some research. I would have to make over a thousand cookies from scratch to feed the wedding guests. I asked my daughters if they wanted to do it and it was a strong no.”
The woman went on to explain that she told her future daughter-in-law that it was “way too much work” to make the cookie table and she didn’t have time for it. The bride-to-be then said it was okay, so the Reddit user thought “that was” the end of it.
However, the woman was then contacted by her son and found out that the bride-to-be was upset about her wedding request being turned down.
“My son called me up and told me I am a huge jerk. Wendy has been crying about it and I should step up. I am still refusing to do it,” she wrote.
In an edit to the post, the Reddit user clarified that she and her family were initially asked to make 1,000 to 1,200 cookies. She also shared more details about her family and why they wouldn’t have time to make the treats.
“She isn’t close to her family so her side is out,” she wrote. “My parents are in a home, and I am an only child. My husband has a sister and I doubt she wants to help. My daughter doesn’t wish to, so it would basically be me.”
The Reddit post has quickly gone viral with more than 8,500 upvotes as of 3 May. In response, multiple people came to the mother’s defence, noting that it would be unfair for the groom’s family to have to make so many cookies.
“Even if you could split up the work that’s coordinating 20 people making four to five dozen cookies. And if you don’t bake that means you’re learning to make cookies,” one wrote.
“Being responsible for reaching out to, let’s say even only 100 of the 250 guests, and asking them to buy or make cookies, and then being responsible to provide extra cookies to make up whatever shortfall, is an enormous burden. That other families in other situations can and do provide for this tradition is fantastic,” another wrote. “But not every family can provide for this tradition and the expectation that they do something they absolutely do not want to (or cannot) do is not an honour in any way.”
“I bake for different events where everyone brings something, but definitely not a thousand pieces! Without her family there, why do they need so many cookies?!?!?” a third agreed. “Ask every guest/couple/family group to bring half a dozen cookies and everybody wins.”
Although multiple people agreed with the woman’s decision to turn down the wedding request, they went on to question how she treated her future daughter-in-law and felt sympathetic towards the bride amid her challenges with her mother. However, they also said that the bride shouldn’t use her relationship with her mother-in-law to avoid those family issues.
“I don’t blame you for turning this down. But at the same time, I think you could have been kinder, and perhaps you could have worked with Wendy to see if there was a solution that could work for both of you,” one wrote. “
“So she wants to continue a tradition from her family, but she isn’t close to them so she wants you to do it. I can see why it would be hard on her, emotionally, to miss out on having something that she grew up with,” another added. “But it’s not reasonable for her to expect you to fill the void in the way that her family would; you’re you, in your family, and there also isn’t a crowd of others to help. It sounds like she’s having trouble adjusting her expectations given her issues with her own family of origin.”
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