Ask Tina: I am happily divorced and single but my friends keep trying to find me a partner

Dear Tina,

I am 58 years old and after many miserable years, have been happily divorced for the last three years. There was a lot of coercive control from the day after we tied the knot. We never had any children so thank goodness I haven’t had to worry about that aspect or having to deal with an ongoing relationship with my ex husband.

In these three years I have found the peace and happiness I haven’t known for a very long time. My problem is friends, they keep trying to match me up with new partners and they won’t accept that some people, most especially those like myself who haven’t experienced a good past relationship, just want time out to enjoy their new found freedom.

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At this stage I’m really fed up with it. How can I tell them to leave me alone without losing their friendship and seeming ungrateful for their concern for my welfare?

Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love. Pic: Columbia/ Kobal/ REX/Shutterstock

I know exactly where you’re coming from but be gentle with your friends, they are only trying to be kind and look after you so you won’t be lonely, they don’t realise that alone time to rest and recharge is what you long for.

There are a lot of women who couldn’t contemplate life without a man and then, there are women like us who are not afraid to be alone and in fact really enjoy the calm and tranquillity of being our own boss, of not being answerable to anyone, of doing what we like, when we like…or not!

I think when you’ve been married, whether happily or not, for some women that chapter is over, it was very interesting but not something we would care to revisit. Also, at a certain stage the effort of having to spend endless evenings with dates you don’t know, especially if they’re not very interesting, can be very irritating which isn’t remotely having the desired effect needed to kick start a happy new loving relationship. As the saying goes, ‘you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your handsome prince’ and sometimes a girl just can’t be bothered going down to the pond anymore, she remembers too much of the sludge and slime and not a lot else!

Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love. Pic: Columbia/ Kobal/ REX/Shutterstock

I too have a friend who worries about me being on my own but, through a vale of tears, she constantly regales me with tales about her own disastrous, dysfunctional relationship. As I recently remarked to her, ‘I’m quite worn out  having lived your hideous relationship for the last 3 years so I certainly couldn’t possibly contemplate taking on one of my own as well’ and left it at that. We haven’t discussed the subject since .

You stick to your guns and live a long and happy single life filling your days with things that make you happy in peace and quiet, you so deserve it and, if by chance a suitable Prince Charming is out there, I’m sure he’ll hunt you down.  It’s up to you whether you drop your drawbridge or not!