DEAR JANE: My husband and I are going bankrupt - here's why I REFUSE to accept help from his wealthy family

• In her latest agony aunt column, best-selling author Jane Green gives frank advice to a woman struggling with money – and her ego 

Dear Jane,

It’s been a very difficult few years for me and my husband – we both lost our jobs, with little savings to fall back on, and we’ve been really struggling to make ends meet.

We were forced to take out a second mortgage on our home and are now woefully behind on the monthly payments.

My husband comes from a very wealthy family, who made no secret of their dislike of me from the start of our relationship. So much so that my husband pretty much cut them out of his life because of their cruelty towards me.

I don’t come from wealth or privilege, and I think they always felt that I was beneath them.

Dear Jane, my husband and I are struggling for money – but I refuse to accept help from his wealthy family. He says I’m being stubborn but I don’t want to go to them for a handout

But now that we’re in such a dire situation, my husband has suggested multiple times that he go to his parents for help – and I hate the idea. It feels as though going to them for a handout would just cement all of the terrible assumptions they’ve made about me, and make them feel as though I’m bringing my husband down.

I know it seems stubborn-minded, but I’m really firm in my decision here, and it’s causing serious issues between myself and my husband, who thinks that I’m ‘letting my ego get in the way of our financial survival’.

I’ve always been raised to take care of myself and to work through my own problems, but I don’t want that mentality to destroy my marriage when, quite frankly, it’s the only thing I feel like I have left in my life.

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

Is there a way I can claw myself out of this mess without begging for cash from his uptight family?

From,

Down and Out

Dear Down and Out,

Financial insecurity is a brutal cross to bear. It’s frightening, and destabilizing, and I can only imagine your fear about the future.

I am also reminded of the old parable about the man who climbed onto the roof during a flood, and prayed to God to save him. A rowboat came and a man said, ‘Jump in! I can save you!’

‘No thanks,’ said the man. ‘I’m praying to God and he’s going to save me.’

Next, a motorboat came and the same thing happened, and finally, a helicopter arrived and threw down a ladder, but the man said no, for he was waiting for God to save him.

He drowns, and once he gets to heaven he furiously says to God, ‘What happened? I prayed to you and you didn’t save me?’

God says, ‘What do you mean? I sent you a rowboat, a motorboat, and a helicopter…’

There are many benefits of being raised to be self-reliant, but there are pitfalls as well.

Asking for help when you are in trouble, and similarly, being open to receiving help, can be enormously difficult for women who are used to doing everything themselves.

Opening yourself up to that possibility could be life-changing for you. It doesn’t have to be a hand-out, and in fact, I suggest that if his parents are willing and able to help you out, you work out a plan to pay them back.

This may help assuage some of your discomfort about going to them, or indeed anyone else, for help.

Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face when you are lucky enough to have people in the family who might be able to ease your discomfort right now.

I wish you much luck.

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