Meet the Australians tackling loneliness and helping people form meaningful connections

Arran Munro has struggled to find a new social circle in Sydney. (Compass: Siobhan Marin)

Two years ago, Arran Munro had a falling out with a friend and former housemate and decided to cut ties with their shared social group.

But she found it difficult to make new connections in Sydney.

“For a while honestly, it made me feel like, ‘Oh my God, is there something wrong with me?’ Every 21-year-old is supposed to have so many friends and I’m just here hanging out with my mum,” Arran tells Compass.

“There was just so much shame I had to work through.”

Loneliness is often associated with older people, but the research shows it’s actually highest among 18 to 24-year-olds.

Clinical psychologist Michelle Lim, who leads the organisation Ending Loneliness Together, wants to reduce the stigma.

“Sometimes Australians say they don’t want to be friends with someone who’s lonely,” Dr Lim says.

“While it’s actually not a pathological condition, the way we perceive lonely people, the way we think about loneliness is extremely negative at the moment.”

It’s an observation that Arran agrees with.

“It’s funny because I’m much more okay with saying, ‘I’m feeling super depressed’,” she says.

“When it comes to saying, ‘I’m lonely’, that feels weird.”

Arran works in social media marketing, but she says online connections are no substitute for face-to-face friendships.

“I think with being on social media a lot, it can be one of those social interactions where it doesn’t really fill your cup,” she says.

Surrounded but feeling alone

Across all age groups, loneliness is on the rise.

In a 2023 survey of 4,000 Australians aged 18 to 90, one in three people reported being lonely.

“Loneliness is actually something that’s a very natural state for us to be in. What’s not natural is that we stay lonely because we’re not able to get the help that we need,” Dr Lim says.

In response to the increasing rate of loneliness, events and clubs have emerged to help struggling people forge more meaningful connections.

To find out if they’re making a difference, Compass visited a men’s exercise and support group, a cake decorating class and a social enterprise giving older volunteers a sense of purpose.

Life after a career in sport

After realising their lives both felt amiss, two Irish expats in Sydney started When No One’s Watching (WNOW).

For Tadhg Kennelly, a former Sydney Swans player and coach, loneliness arrived in May of 2020, when he was publicly stood down due to the AFL’s COVID cutbacks.

“I wasn’t in a great place mentally, it was pretty dark,” he remembers.

“I was just shutting myself out of the world and I didn’t want to get out of the house.”

Around that time, Tadhg’s close friend David Eccles was dealing with difficulties of his own.

His life was packed to the brim with work, social commitments and a growing family. But deep down, he was unfulfilled.

David remembers one particular night, being surrounded by family but feeling completely alone.

“I was thinking, ‘I can’t go on like this, I just can’t go on anymore’,” he says.

“I was going, ‘What’s driving this unhappiness?’ And it was loneliness, I really boiled it down to loneliness.”

‘Contagious effect’ of opening up

Sensing Tadhg was in a similar headspace, David got in touch.

“My knight in shining armour!” Tadhg jokes.

Gradually, they began reshaping their friendship, swapping Friday nights watching footy at the pub for cafes and deeper conversations.

Then they moved from the cafe to the beach.

“It was cheaper to do exercise on the beach than having coffee every week,” David laughs.

That was the birth of WNOW, which now has more than 400 members and chapters across Australia.

Each week, the club starts with a warm-up before a “circle of trust”, where men share their highs and lows.

“As men, we’re fixers, you know, nobody gives answers in the circle, we just listen,” David says.

They do a combined 60 push ups to mark the 60 men who die by suicide every hour.

Afterwards, the men plunge into the water — no matter the weather — then grab a coffee and chat.

“You can just see the contagious effect of people sharing stories,” David says.

“It might be sleep, it might be anxiety, it might be marriage, it might be work … but it’s a weight that just goes off your shoulders when you share your story.”

Connection over cake

In Sydney’s inner west, a popular cafe and bakery has begun holding friend-making and cake decorating classes.

Miss Sina is run by German expat Sina Klug and her partner.

Having moved to Sydney by herself in her mid-20s, Sina knows what it’s like to build a social circle from scratch.

“I remember how difficult it was to meet people and start over,” she says.

“So we really wanted to make sure that we use this [cafe] space not just for baking, but also for human connection and to bring our community together.”

After their first event, the participants formed a WhatsApp group, some went to parties together, and half of them even went camping.

Arran Munro decided to give their next event a try and enjoyed the experience.

“It’s cuter than I thought it would be — it feels a little bit like a movie in a way, it’s very sweet,” she says.

“I think everyone feels a bit lonely from time to time and everyone wants to connect … when you sincerely try and do that, people are actually really appreciative.”

Keeping busy after retirement

Research shows people 75 years and older are less likely to be lonely, but that doesn’t mean they’re immune.

Florida Twenlow lives in an aged care home in Sydney and spends most of her time alone in her room.

She says evenings are the worst.

“That’s when it’s quiet time and everything comes back to remind you, even if you don’t want it to,” she says.

“It’s memories passing by.”

To keep loneliness at bay, the 74-year-old volunteers four days a week at Beehive Industries, a social enterprise that provides work for elderly and long-term unemployed people in a mailroom.

In exchange for their time, the “Beehivers” gain a place to connect and home-cooked, healthy meals, made from food that’s donated by OzHarvest.

Table tennis, cooking classes and bingo games are also offered to volunteers.

Chief executive Mark Thompson says they get “cranky” if there’s not enough work to do.

“They want to work and they socialise amongst each other,” Mr Thompson said.

Florida says she looks forward to it every day.

“I really am thankful to Beehive for that,” she says.

“I feel proud. I feel a sense of usefulness. I’m not paid for it, but I’m happy I contribute to something good that’s helping others.”

The Friendship Recession airs on Compass at 6:30pm April 14 on ABC TV or anytime on ABC iview.