I wanted to keep my engagement a secret until after my friend's wedding - but she found out during her special day and now she's angry

A 24-year-old woman wore her engagement ring to a friend's wedding The issue was she hadn't yet announced that she'd gotten engaged Consequently, the bride was 'very upset' when she and guests found out

A woman is wondering whether she behaved like an ‘a**hole’ after showing up to friend’s wedding with an engagement ring before she had revealed that she was affianced to all but her inner circle.

Because the woman hadn’t publicly announced her engagement before the wedding – but had chosen to wear her ring for the occasion – the news spread like wildfire, eventually reaching the bride, who seemed ‘upset’ at how things played out.

Amid the fallout, the woman, 24, took to Reddit’s notorious AmI The A**hole (AITA) subreddit to solicit opinions, sharing a post titled: ‘AITA for keeping my engagement a secret until my friend’s wedding?’

In the post, the woman explained that her now-fiancé, 25, had proposed to her on Christmas Eve while the pair were on vacation – and had only shared the development with ‘our closest family and a couple of our closest friends.’

A woman, 24, is worried she was in the wrong for wearing her engagement ring to her friend’s wedding, having not yet shared news with most of her friends and family

The bride became ‘upset’ after news of the woman’s engagement began spreading at her wedding – taking attention away from the newlyweds (stock image)

The next time they saw a wider circle of friends and relatives was ‘at the wedding of a childhood family friend,’ she continued.

Neither the childhood family friend, who was the bride, nor ‘the majority of guests,’ were among the people she and her fiancé had told about the engagement.

‘So, whenever I went up to chat to them, they would notice the ring and congratulate me and my fiancé on our engagement,’ the woman explained.

One friend even made a ‘small scene,’ announcing the news to ‘all of our friends in the vicinity… and they all circled around me to look at the ring and congratulate me.’

After the group had dissipated, the woman admitted she ‘felt pretty bad that the attention wasn’t on the bride’ so decided at that point to take her engagement ring off and put it in her clutch for the rest of the evening.

‘But by then the damage was done, and the word had spread and for the rest of the night I had people coming up and congratulating me,’ she further confessed.

‘By the time I got to the bride to congratulate her and celebrate her marriage with her she was really upset with me, basically telling me that it was so selfish of me to flaunt my engagement at her wedding, and she accused me of purposely taking the limelight off her.

‘She thought I had purposely kept my engagement secret for the sole purpose of revealing it at her wedding, and accused me of being a liar when I explained myself.’

Commenters offered a range of takes on the situation – with some adamant that the woman was in the wrong, and others more forgiving of the woman’s slight

‘I understand I probably should have never worn the ring there in the first place, but I had had it on for a week so it didn’t ever cross my mind to take it off until it was too late. So AITA?’

While many commenters conceded that it seemed like the woman hadn’t meant to do harm, most agreed YTA – or ‘you’re the a**hole’ – in the situation.

Among highest-ranked comments, most were adamant that the engaged woman was in the wrong.

As one read, ‘YTA. And this sentence gives it away:  “So, whenever I went up to chat to them, they would notice the ring and congratulate me and my fiancé on our engagement.”

‘If this wasn’t intentional, you would have taken the ring off the very first time someone mentioned the ring. But it happened over and over. You intentionally kept wearing the ring after at least several people commented on it.

‘YTA for intentionally announcing your engagement via a very noticeable ring that you intentionally did not remove until everyone already knew.’

Another weighed in: ‘I don’t think the AH bit is wearing the ring, but it’s not telling the friend whose wedding you were at beforehand, if loads of people were going to find out there. I’d be gutted if I heard second or third hand that my friend was engaged and telling everyone at the wedding, as it does make you feel a bit less special on a day where it is really about you. YTA.’

A third gave a more generous-minded take on the matter, though still settled on the woman being the a**hole.

‘I don’t think you’re looking at this from the bride and groom’s perspective, whether or not your actions were intentional, you took away attention from the an important night of their lives. Think about it, the bride probably heard about your engagement several times that night, and unfortunately your engagement announcement is now going to be forever part of their wedding,’ they wrote.

‘The groom and bride put in a lot of time and effort to plan their wedding. In a matter of minutes, from your Friend, seeing the ring, and making a loud commotion, your actions put a damper on their night.

‘I think some of your actions may have been unintentional because you put the ring in your purse, but at that point the damage had been done. Yes, I do think you were unintentionally the YTA, you probably should send an I’m sorry gift to them.’

Still, others offered a more measured assessment of the situation.

‘I actually don’t think either of you [are the a**holes]. If you weren’t purposely flaunting your ring and someone did actually cause a small scene over it then you aren’t responsible for that, but the bride’s reaction was warranted. It’s HER day and even if you meant it or not you took away the spotlight when it was supposed to be on her and her groom,’ one commenter reasoned.

And a few commenters felt strongly that the woman was not in the wrong at all.

‘Absolutely NTA (not the a**hole)! You have no reason or obligation to take off your engagement ring! No matter how big or flashy it is. You also don’t have an obligation to personally make sure that everyone knew in advance that you were engaged,’ one person put it.

‘All eyes do not have to be on the bride 100% of the time, even at her wedding. During the ceremony, yes. During the formal part of the reception when speeches are being made, yes. When everyone is mingling and eating and drinking, absolutely not. Furthermore, it would be impossible.

‘You did not make a formal announcement during her wedding about your engagement. People noticed your ring and commented. That’s life. I don’t think it is ever appropriate for others to ask you to take your engagement ring off for any reason.’