I couldn't imagine getting old until I visited an LGBT+ care home

I don’t know what will happen to me when I get older.

It’s a question that we don’t like to ask or think about, particularly as members of the LGBTQIA+ community. There’s always been that question, ‘You don’t have kids so who’s going to look after you?’

Things are getting better, and more and more LGBTQ+ people are raising families, but it’s always been a worry.

Us gay men, we like to think we’re going to be a twink forever, as though getting older isn’t going to happen to us – as a result, we just don’t talk about it.

So, when Metro.co.uk asked me to perform for the residents at Tonic Housing and give two of them a special makeover, I jumped at the chance. It blew my mind that it’s the only LGBTQ+ retirement community in the UK and I also realised it’s something I’ve never really thought about before.

But immediately knowing that there is somewhere like this made me feel a lot better about the future and gave me hope to think as gay people, there is going to be someone there to look after us as we get older.

‘David was a huge surprise!’ (Picture: METRO)

Bob was perfect for the makeover (Picture: METRO)

I always thought a retirement community would be somewhere to go and fade away, just live out your days and essentially die. That’s the perception I think most of us have but actually there really is another community ready to welcome us, packed with so many amazing stories from people who have really lived.

Going into the day, I couldn’t wait to hear some of these stories.

It’s a fantastic thing that to be queer is so much more accepted today, but we’re running the risk of forgetting our history when it’s so important to keep this alive; to appreciate the freedoms that we have today, that so many of our brothers and sisters fought for.

Bob was slightly more anxious than David to get his drag makeover (Picture: METRO)

At 57, David completely changed my perception of what it is to be in a care home (Picture: METRO)

The people at Tonic Housing are heroes and lived through some of the worst times our community has faced. I was determined to soak up every detail about where they came from and what they’d been through.

But how do we make sure there are more spaces for LGBTQ+ people when we grow older?

That’s what I wanted to find out from David, a resident at Tonic, and Bob, the director of operations who everyone there clearly looked up to, when I gave them both a drag makeover.

I loved what Bob told me: Tonic is somewhere you can be yourself, be comfortable, and not be lonely. That was his main goal for a lot of people in our community who do grow old and lonely because they don’t have partners or didn’t get married – partly because the Aids crisis in the 80s wiped out so many LGBTQ+ people.

Bob’s message is incredible and I’m so inspired by it.

Bob was the perfect person for this makeover, even though when he walked in with his silver beard and tattoos on his head I thought, ‘We’ve got a job on our hands, here’. He’s lived a life and fought the fight.

He met his partner James 20 years ago after making a life for himself in London. He worked for Stonewall Housing and realised how important LGBT charities could be.

Eventually, we came up with his drag name, as queen of Tonic housing it had to be… Tonica Lewinsky. It was perfect.

Bob lit up immediately when he saw himself in drag for the first time (Picture: METRO)

David was a huge surprise. When I found out he was only 57 I thought, ’Hang on a minute. 57 and in a care home?’

He’s still working full time and doing his own thing but felt safe and comfortable doing that at Tonic.

He is changing the face of what we think of residential homes, which really opened my eyes.

David split with his partner before the pandemic and moved to south London.

He soon realised he’d made a big mistake – it just wasn’t where he wanted to be – but when he randomly got an email from Tonic inviting to an open day he thought, ‘yeah, this is me.’

And why not? It’s the perfect living situation.

He’s made a new best friend who lives next door and still wears heels in her 80s. He’s totally thriving!

David knew pretty quickly his drag name would be Pink Gin and together we had a new drag duo – Pink Gin and Tonica.

Introducing my new drag sisters Tonica Lewinsky and Pink Gin (Picture: METRO)

I felt on top of the world when we finally got to unveil their makeovers and seeing the transformation in the two of them, they came to life; you saw the switch immediately.

There’s something special about a more mature gentleman trying drag for the first time in the LGBTQ+ community because they suppressed it for so long, and when they were growing up it was so taboo.

They might have liked movie stars, but they kept it hidden and now, at this age, they’re in a safe space in this gorgeous community at Tonic to experiment and I saw the light go on in both of their eyes.

The first thing Bob said was, ‘I remind myself of my neighbour who’s dressed like a starlet.’ That’s Bob’s idea of what femininity is and that higher power that drag gives you – and look at her now. She embodied it completely and that’s what it’s all about.

I came in with an open heart and open mind but there are preconceived notions about what a retirement community is, and it’s nothing like what you think.

I can’t wait for the Metro readers to see the makeover interviews, be educated, look at their own futures and think, ‘Wow, there is hope for me.’

There is such a lovely community, everyone is having so much fun and having a laugh. What a way to be – sign me up.

There are preconceived notions about what a retirement community is, and it’s nothing like what you think

I’d move in tomorrow and be the naughtiest one – I’d cause riots. But I would really love it, being in such a safe space.

We need more homes like this, we need to go further.

We’re all going to die one day and we’re all going to need care. When that time comes we’re going to need love and community.

There are already similar spaces around the world in Sweden, Spain, Italy, and the Netherlands so the UK shouldn’t be this far behind.

At a certain age, we’re all gonna get older and we all need somebody. We all need a community because that’s where we thrive.

Hopefully Tonic will be the first of many LGBTQ+ retirement communities. The mission statement is: this should be nationwide and Bob is not going to stop until that happens.

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