Working full-time and mothering part-time: why do so few women do it?

Working full-time and mothering part-time: why do so few women do it?

A parent has promised his son to take him to a train exhibition today, but then the boss calls. There is an emergency at work. What should that conscious parent do then? Going to the office? Or to the museum, as agreed?

The answer to this question, according to research, just depends on whether the parent is a father or a mother, says social psychologist Lianne Aarntzen. “If it’s the father, most people think he should go to work. But if it is the mother, then she should keep her promise and choose her son.”

Have those stereotypes still not changed? “People are now fine with women working and men taking care of, but the mother is still expected to give priority to her family. And the father’s career.”

Women are going to believe in it

This ‘ideal image’ has remained more or less the same over the past thirty years, says Aarntzen. As a result, 40 percent of women who become mothers will work less or stop altogether. On average, mothers with young children (under the age of four) still work 23 hours a week. Men work an average of 38 hours a week, both before and after the birth of their first child.

These stereotypes, and the many women who work part-time, cannot be viewed separately from each other, says Aarntzen. “The more often you hear as a mother that you have to choose your family, the more you start to believe in it.” This can happen through explicit comments from friends and family, as well as more subtle behaviors. “Think of the mother who is always the first to be called by daycare. Or the father who is hardly looked at or addressed at the health clinic.”

Guilt is a straitjacket for the mother

Lianne Aarntzen social psychologist

As a result, women feel guilty if they do choose their work. In her dissertation, Aarntzen concluded that women who feel guilty also want to reduce their working hours. While they would not have wanted or done that without that feeling of guilt. Her research shows that fathers also experience guilt, but are more likely to justify it to themselves. Aarntzen: “Guilt is a straitjacket for the mother.”

Masculine Rules

The culture in the workplace could change this. Not only by making it easier for mothers to combine work and family, according to research by Aarntzen, but especially by changing the policy for fathers; for example by normalizing longer paternity leave or part-time work. “If organizations start to focus more on fathers, you send a strong signal to mothers that they are not solely responsible for the care of children.” Then their guilt diminishes.

Vréneli Stadelmaier, career coach for women, is also convinced that something needs to change in the workplace. But, she believes, it is up to the woman herself to achieve this. “Men don’t have a problem, so they will never act.”

She calls the women that Stadelmaier coaches ‘the Trojan horse’. “Women will have to change the system from within.”

Tell me how good you are

According to Stadelmaier, it is not the children that cause women to work part-time, but “the masculine rules” in the workplace, which women do not always understand. An example of such a rule: tell yourself how good you are. “If you don’t, you get less influence, you achieve less and you are less valued. As a result, women can lose the joy of their job and then quickly say ‘just let me work for three days’.”

What also does not help is that this news is often received with open arms by who?, notes Stadelmaier. “Actually, only then are you a good mother.”

Unfortunately, it is still true that as a woman you are taken less seriously

Vreneli Stadelmaier Career coach for women

Women are modest and men dominant, aren’t those also stereotypes that need to disappear? Not everyone is like that, of course, says Stadelmaier, “but unfortunately it is still true that you are taken less seriously as a woman”. Women should therefore be aware of the stereotypes, think about them and then think about how to deal with them, she believes.

That means: learning to move with ‘the masculine rules of the game’, but under your own conditions. “Emphasize how good you are, but in a way that makes you feel comfortable.” For example, more women and mothers will continue to work full-time, says Stadelmaier. And, she adds: learn to prioritize. “Then the counter is not tidy, or your child’s hair is too long.”

Also read: More women at the top? Only the companies that are obliged to do this can do that

Mirte Biemans (34):
‘My son keeps asking why I work more than other mothers’

Working full-time and mothering part-time: why do so few women do it?

Who: Myrtle Biemans (34)
Work: manager at a housing corporation and candidate party leader PvdA in Utrecht
Family: son (6,5) and daughter (3). Her husband works at an investment fund

“My husband would like to work part-time, but that is really not possible at work. And I don’t want to work part-time, so my youngest goes to daycare for five days and my oldest to BSO for four days.

“My family sometimes feels sorry for the children, but my daughter loves the care. She has a strong bond with the leaders. When she was not allowed to go there because of corona, she was crying with her jacket ready. It really is her second home.

“My son asks again and again why I work so much, compared to other mothers. He never says that to his father. I keep explaining to him that I think it’s important to do something for society.

“Working is a real gift for me. I love being with my kids, but not all day. I’m a nicer mom when I come home after work.

“And yet, if I am very honest, I have noticed in corona time that things can be done differently. Suddenly I felt how nice it is to be at home more often. As important as I think my work is, I don’t know if I will always do it that way.”

Karlien de Waardt (39):
‘They are not used to full-time working women in IT’

Working full-time and mothering part-time: why do so few women do it?

Who: Karlien de Waardt (39)
Work: head of cybersecurity at Fujitsu
Family: daughter (12), son (8), son (5)

“Working part-time has never been a topic of conversation in our home. ‘How do you arrange that with three children?’ is a question I get very often. But with the help of my mother and in-laws and working from home for a day, I succeed.

“What I really dislike is the continuous schedule at primary school. That does not take into account a father and a mother who work full-time. For a mother who works part-time it might be nice, but for us it’s very inconvenient. Fortunately, our oldest daughter can sometimes help out.

“They are not used to full-time working women at my work either. The IT world is full of prejudice. For example, I had a manager who didn’t want me to work from home, because the children would distract me too much, while the male employees were allowed to work from home. There was also a manager who couldn’t get a hold of me after one call and immediately sent an email in which he asked if I ‘please pass on the times that I am not busy with the children used to be’.

“I find it so bizarre that people still think that women always take care of themselves. Hopefully the younger generation will change this.”

Engracia Castelo (33):
‘My family called me a part-time mom’

Working full-time and mothering part-time: why do so few women do it?

Who: Engracia Castelo (33)
Work: entrepreneur and formerly sales manager at a palm oil company
Family: son (6)

“As a single mother, I was constantly asked whether I should not work less. But I had certain goals, such as moving up the ranks and getting a higher salary, which you simply can’t achieve if you work part-time.

“I never cared about it, but when the nursery manager told me that my baby was the only one who was at the nursery all day five days a week and whether I should take a step back from my work I had to swallow for a while.

“My environment was also critical. My ex-partner also worked full-time, but felt that I should start working part-time, knowing how important my work was to me. And my family called me a part-time mom and thought I shouldn’t let someone else “raise” my child.

“I’ve always managed to shake this off. I love my job and my son really wasn’t hurt by it. The fact that I started my own business has nothing to do with him. But it’s a nice bonus that I’m there more often now and my son only has to go to the after-school care for three more days.”

Donja van Bokhorst (44):
‘I wouldn’t want it any other way’

Who: Donja van Bokhorst (44)
Work: flight attendant
Family: daughter (14)

“No one understands how I do it, being a single mother and a full-time flight attendant. When my daughter was born, the father was already out of the picture, yet I continued to work full-time.

“My mother looked after the first two years, after that my daughter stayed with a host family and later a nanny came to the house. Now she can stay home alone. We video call as often as we can. In the morning we get up together and in the evening I stay in the hotel room for a game of yahtzee at a distance.

“People think I’m never there, but working full-time as a flight attendant often means I’m gone for five days and then back home for four days. I was even able to be a class mother.

“Actually, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Of course I would have preferred to have a ‘normal’ family, but now I’m enjoying a few days at the pool in South Africa and I can cope with it all at home.

“However, working full-time does mean making concessions. If the babysitter sends your child to school in orange pants and a purple T-shirt, don’t worry about it. If that bothers you, yes, then you should indeed always be present.”

Working full-time and mothering part-time: why do so few women do it?
Source link Working full-time and mothering part-time: why do so few women do it?

Internet Explorer Channel Network
News Related

OTHER NEWS

Facebook plans to hire 10,000 in Europe to build 'metaverse'

Facebook said it plans to hire 10,000 workers in the European Union over the next five years to work on a new computing platform that promises to connect people virtually ... Read more »

Global shipping disruption could last 'another 18 months', UK boss warns

The head of Braemar Shipping Services warns that the sea of global issues could mean it is 2023 before the situation is full resolved. Read more »

Govt wants LPG subsidy to be given only to vulnerable section of population: Sources

Representative image The Centre wants the subsidy on liquefied petroleum gas (LPG) to be given only to the vulnerable section of the population, government sources told CNBC TV 18 on ... Read more »

CSK's win in IPL 14 takes Disney+Hotstar viewership a notch up

Chennai Super Kings won their 4th IPL title in 2021 by beating Kolkata Knight Riders by 27 runs.(Image: IPL/BCCI) The winners of the 14th edition of the Indian Premier League (IPL), ... Read more »

Three things to know about DSP Nifty 50 Equal Weight ETF

The scheme performance of DNEWE would depend on the market environment. There can be phases where the scheme, which is based on NEW50 Index can outperform the Nifty 50 returns, ... Read more »

Nord Stream 2 AG keen to provide market with extra capacities as soon as possible

The commissioning of the gas pipeline is planned for the end of 2021 Read more »

Salman Khan renews rent agreement for Bandra duplex at Rs 8.25 lakh a month

Actor Salman Khan has renewed a rent agreement for a duplex apartment in Mumbai’s Bandra for Rs 8.25 lakh a month for a period of three years, documents accessed by Zapkey.com show. ... Read more »

Grofers likely to enter horizontal e-com; plans to deliver anything including iPhones in 10 minutes

Albinder Dhindsa, Co-founder and CEO, Grofers Online grocery delivery platform Grofers is getting ready to expand and become a full-fledged e-commerce company capable of delivering everything including mobile phones within ... Read more »

Buy Wipro; target of Rs 815: ICICI Direct

ICICI Direct’s research report on Wipro Wipro is an IT, consulting & BPO catering to BFSI, health, consumer, energy & utility, technology and communication. With 190000 employees, it serves clients ... Read more »

Buy Mahindra CIE; target of Rs 330: ICICI Direct

ICICI Direct’s research report on Mahindra CIE Mahindra CIE (MCI), part of the Spain-based CIE Automotive Group, is a multi-technology, multi-product automotive component supplier. CY20 consolidated revenue mix – Europe ... Read more »

China says it tested hypersonic vehicle' not missile'

China tested a space vehicle in July, not a nuclear-capable hypersonic missile as reported by the Financial Times, the Chinese foreign ministry said on Monday. Read more »

Buy HCL Technologies; target of Rs 1475: ICICI Direct

ICICI Direct’s research report on HCL Technologies HCL Technologies (HCLT) offers IT, ER&D and products to BFSI, retail, health, telecommunication, manufacturing, media & hi-tech verticals.HCL Tech has 250 Fortune 500 ... Read more »

Buy HDFC Bank; target of Rs 2000: ICICI Direct

buy_44592357 ICICI Direct’s research report on HDFC Bank HDFC Bank is a leading private sector bank with consistent growth and operational performance over various cycles. The bank has maintained superior ... Read more »

Eid Milad-un-Nabi 2021: Date, history and significance

The festival of Eid Milad-un-Nabi will be celebrated on October 19 in India. [Representative image] Eid Milad-un-Nabi 2021: The festival of Eid Milad-un-Nabi will be celebrated on October 19 in ... Read more »

Over 102 crore COVID-19 vaccine doses provided to states, UTs: Centre

Shots developed by Pfizer and Moderna were the first mRNA COVID-19 vaccines to be rolled out in the world. (Representative image) More than 102 crore COVID-19 vaccine doses have been ... Read more »

Buy Infosys; target of Rs 2060: ICICI Direct

ICICI Direct’s research report on Infosys Infosys Ltd (Infy) is one of the leading IT players catering to BFSI, retail, communication, manufacturing & hi tech verticals. The company generates >56% ... Read more »

Buy Hindalco; target of Rs 525: ICICI Direct

ICICI Direct’s research report on Hindalco Hindalco is the world’s largest aluminium company by revenues, and a major player in copper. Its wholly owned subsidiary Novelis is the world’s largest ... Read more »

THG moves to restore investor confidence after share price plunge

Matthew Moulding is to give up his special voting rights and could seek out a non-executive chairman as investors seek a shake-up of corporate governance. Read more »

Buy HCL Technologies target of Rs 1386: Prabhudas Lilladher

Prabhudas Lilladher’s research report on HCL Technologies HCLT reported big miss on revenue with growth of 2.6% QoQ USD (Ple: 4.5%, 4.4%) led by decline in Products (P&P) business (-8.8% ... Read more »

Transport Corp Q2 PAT seen up 56.5% YoY to Rs 50.1 cr: ICICI Direct

Transport Corporation of India | Company reported consolidated profit at Rs 37.3 crore in Q2FY21 against Rs 38.2 crore, revenue rose to Rs 696.89 crore from Rs 684.56 crore YoY. ... Read more »

Richest families in SE Asia look for the next unicorn

(Bangkok Post file photo) Some of Southeast Asia’s old-money tycoons are boosting investment in technology startups, looking to ride a wave of surging valuations as they seek to counter the ... Read more »

BT Money Hacks Podcast: Make money while doing good with ESG investing

In this 105th episode of Money Hacks, we speak with Koh Hwee Joo, senior director, Sustainability Office at UOB Asset Management, about how doing good doesn’t mean sacrificing returns these ... Read more »

Five factors pushing Nifty above 18,500, Sensex near 62,000 mark

The equity market rally continued for the seventh consecutive session, with the Nifty50 crossing 18,500 and the Sensex hovering on 62,000 mark for the first time, on October 18. And, ... Read more »

Buy Cyient target of Rs 1315: Prabhudas Lilladher

500bps growth outperformance over FY21-24E as compared to 250bps earlier). We roll over valuations to Sepemtember-23E and increase target multiples for most of the companies in our coverage universe. We remain broadly constructive ... Read more »

Hold MindTree: target of Rs 4915: ICICI Direct

ICICI Direct’s research report on MindTree Mindtree Ltd (Mindtree) is a mid-tier IT company with a presence in the US, Europe & RoW catering to BFSI, communication media & technology, ... Read more »

Sun TV Q2 PAT seen up 17.6% YoY to Rs 406.7 cr: ICICI Direct

suntv_300_2005_47969787 ICICI Direct has come out with its second quarter (July-September’ 21) earnings estimates for the Media sector. The brokerage house expects Sun TV to report net profit at Rs ... Read more »

TV Today Q2 PAT seen up 37.9% YoY to Rs 38.2 cr: ICICI Direct

The media company TV Today Network had an opening premium of 121 percent on January 24, 2004. The company’s issue price was Rs 95 and the listing price was Rs ... Read more »

Accumulate Wipro; target of Rs 794: KR Choksey

KR Choksey’s research report on Wipro Wipro Ltd (WPRO) Q2FY22 performance was slightly higher than with our estimate. Dollar Revenue was up 6.8% QoQ and in CC term grew by ... Read more »

Starbucks Korea is hiring 1,600 new employees before the year ends

Photo by: Fabian Holtappels/Pixabay Starbucks Korea has recently faced issues after some of its employees staged a protest due to poor working conditions. They mainly mentioned being overworked and underpaid, ... Read more »

Raffles Education shares sink as tycoon Oei Hong Leong's letter to the board circulates

SINGAPORE – The stock of mainboard-listed Raffles Education (REC) was hammered to new lows on Monday as the market got hold of a letter by tycoon Oei Hong Leong to ... Read more »

Jindal Stainless Q2 PAT seen up 284% YoY to Rs 310 cr: ICICI Direct

Jindal Stainless (Hisar) | India Ratings assigned A/RWE to company’s credit facilities. ICICI Direct has come out with its second quarter (July-September’ 21) earnings estimates for the Metal & Mining ... Read more »

SAIL Q2 PAT seen up 2,637% YoY to Rs 4,677 cr: ICICI Direct

SAIL ICICI Direct has come out with its second quarter (July-September’ 21) earnings estimates for the Metal & Mining sector. The brokerage house expects SAIL to report net profit at ... Read more »

Jindal Stainless Hisar Q2 PAT seen up 121% YoY to Rs 374 cr: ICICI Direct

ICICI Direct has come out with its second quarter (July-September’ 21) earnings estimates for the Metal & Mining sector. The brokerage house expects Jindal Stainless Hisar to report net profit ... Read more »

Tea exports down by 14% in first seven months of 2021

Tea has been grown in the mountains around Meishan since the island was part of China’s Qing dynasty in the 19th century. The industry matured and expanded under Japanese imperial ... Read more »

Buy HDFC Bank; target of Rs 2050: Emkay Global Financial

Emkay Global Financial’s report on HDFC Bank HDFCB reported a slight miss on profits at Rs88bn (est: Rs89bn) in Q2FY22, mainly due to lower NIMs (4.1%), higher staff expenses and ... Read more »

OPPO India launches program to mentor startups in India

Oppo on Monday announced the launch of its Elevate Program in India through which the smartphone maker aims to mentor startups that have the potential to bring the next big ... Read more »

Experts: Northern Supplies program requires federal support, logistic centers

The so-called Northern Supplies are organized to Russia’s 25 regions Read more »

Buy HCL Technologies: target of Rs 1400: Sharekhan

The research firm ICICI Securities believes earnings of apparel brands and retail companies under their coverage may surprise positively from Q3FY22E as the likely demand recovery may result in better than expected ... Read more »

NMDC Q2 PAT seen up 168% YoY to Rs 2,074 cr: ICICI Direct

nmdc_92736978 ICICI Direct has come out with its second quarter (July-September’ 21) earnings estimates for the Metal & Mining sector. The brokerage house expects NMDC to report net profit at ... Read more »

JSW Steel Q2 PAT seen up 297% YoY to Rs 6,334 cr: ICICI Direct

JSW Steel said the third mine started producing iron ore on December 10. ICICI Direct has come out with its second quarter (July-September’ 21) earnings estimates for the Metal & ... Read more »