'Assuming that I'm just a little old lady was your first mistake': Retired boomers are rejecting the idea they're lonely or sad

Boomers living full and active lives in retirement say the freedom they have is like returning to childhood. Getty Images; Alyssa Powell/BI

• For many, retirement is synonymous with bad health, loneliness, and the end of life.
• The switch from a career to retirement can be a psychological hurdle for many, boomers admit.
• But these five retirees told Business Insider about why people’s perceptions of retirement are wrong.

Helen Brown had worked hard for her career.

She worked in computer science — a notoriously difficult industry for women in the 90s — while battling chronic fatigue and migraines. Last year, Brown’s illnesses meant the 60-year-old had to step back from work.

“Trying to be a woman in the computing world was not easy,” Brown told Business Insider. At 60, she still felt at the top of her game and enjoyed her work, “I wanted to feel valued because it had been such a struggle. And then to have to give it up…”

For many, retirement is still synonymous with loneliness, boredom, and, to put it frankly, death.

Five boomers who spoke to Business Insider about their retirement say those stereotypes are far from the truth for most older people. Though the change in routine can be challenging and health concerns are never far, they say retirement is pretty great.

Helen Brown Helen Brown

Getting over the psychological hurdle

The retired boomers told BI that transitioning from working to retirement can be difficult.

Feeling a loss of identity is common among new retirees as their daily lives and responsibilities change. Around 28% of retired people have depression, according to a review of eleven recent medical studies on the topic. Compared to 5% of adults globally who suffer from depression, per a report by the WHO.

Retirees adjusting to a new way of life have the added concern that their savings may not suffice as the economy changes or if unforeseen health problems arise.

Brown said she initially felt lost when she entered retirement. But she applied the same lessons she learned while battling her illness: “You can either give up or say, ‘Right, I’ll show you.'”

Brown created a timetable so that she didn’t slide into her feelings. Her day starts with a few hours of studying through the Open University, then watercolors, yoga, gardening, or walking the dog, and finally, playing computer games with her husband in the evening.

Clive Hook, 65, also experienced an initial shock when he retired in late 2019.

He’d spent his career traveling for work, leading a “quasi-rockstar existence” running leadership courses for major companies. Slowing down in retirement meant losing the personal driver and luxurious trips and returning to domesticity.

Clive Hook Clive Hook

Hook told BI that the complete loss of structure was the toughest change. It left him and his wife feeling purposeless.

“Not having a real reason to do anything. It was really hard,” Hook said. “We got to a point where we didn’t know what day of the week it was. It made us feel useless.”

He decided to explore things that brought him joy. Hook joined a choir and, within the year, found himself busy with choir committees, charitable causes, and learning three languages. He also teaches leadership to NHS nurses rather than CEOs.

There’s a misconception that life becomes boring in retirement, Hook told BI. In fact, life is so busy that it feels like a full-time job.

Retirement is for reveling

For Jackie Harrison, retirement has lived up to her high expectations: “I thought it was going to be a holiday and it has.”

Harrison had worked as a librarian until she was 65 and happily retired in 2018. Now, she goes on holiday three times a year, visits family, practices tai chi and yoga, walks for around two hours daily, and goes to the gym.

“It’s just the freedom of being able to do what we want and not having to do things we don’t want,” Harrison said of people in retirement.

Jackie Harrison Jackie Harrison

Sandra Falconer, a retired teacher in her mid-70s, agrees.

“It’s the freedom. The freedom of not having to go to meetings, not having to do the rush hour dash.”

Falconer told BI she revels in saying no to anything she no longer wants to do. She retired from teaching at 63 but continued part-time work for five years. The former teacher was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2014 but still practices tai chi and has joined several local projects.

Falconer, who never had much time for writing as a teacher, is now a member of a poetry collective highlighting poverty and injustice and has been shortlisted for a literary prize.

Others told BI that retirement has given them the space to discover themselves in a way they hadn’t had time to while working.

“It’s almost like going back into childhood again with that sort of discovery,” said Helen Brown. “There’s a weight off your shoulders, not having to be at work and to go through that sort of stress.”

Boomers have to battle ageism and stereotypes

Though they’re enjoying life, the boomers who spoke to BI said misconceptions and stereotypes about retirement can be damaging.

“In other cultures, as you get older, you get wiser. In our culture, as you get older, you get more stupid,” Clive Hook lamented.

Some have been shouted at in the street by teenagers; others said their skills are constantly underestimated, or they feel like they’re sidelined by health services.

“Kick that into touch, mate, because that view that you have in your head is outdated,” snaps back Kathy Feest, a boomer with an advocatory spirit and no time for stereotypes.

Sandra Falconer believes the media and people’s own fears of growing old are to blame for negative stereotypes. The danger is that some will just accept the label; Falconer added, “If you treat somebody as if they’re invisible, they begin to feel as if they are.”

Sandra Falconer Sandra Falconer

“I have never accepted stereotypes. In fact, underneath this jumper, I’m wearing a T-shirt that one of my daughters bought me that says, assuming that I’m just a little old lady was your first mistake.”

Attitude is key to a successful retirement

Kathy Feest was forced into retirement at a younger age than expected after a boat accident left her spine shattered. She was 54.

Kathy Feest travels to New Zealand once a year. Kathy Feest

“I wasn’t ready to quit. I was too young,” Feest told BI. After rebuilding her life, Feest has run courses to help others find their way through retirement.

People often claim there’s nothing they want to do, but Feest said finding a purpose and pursuing it in retirement is crucial.”You really do know. You’re just covering it up in one way or another. And you don’t get off the hook just because you have osteoarthritis.” She said people must actively search for what they want out of life.

“It’s a misconception that it’s the end of life. It’s the beginning of a new phase of life.”

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