The sexual habit you should never try to discourage your husband from

• British expert Tracey Cox has revealed impact of a masturbation ban
• Read More: Tracey Cox reveals the truth about how looks impact your love life 

Almost everyone masturbates – 95 per cent of men and 81 per cent of women admit to doing it at some point.

Which is probably why nine in 10 of us are comfortable if our partner continues to do it once in a relationship. Most believe it complements partner sex and adds to erotic satisfaction.

But not all. Some women believe masturbation isn’t necessary or appropriate in a relationship because the man should satisfy all his sexual needs with his partner.

Others believe solo sex is a betrayal and the only permissible sex is partner sex. Still more believe watching porn – the bacon to the eggs of solo sex – is both cheating and disgusting.

British relationship and sex expert Tracey Cox revealed the impact of stopping your husband from masturbating (stock image)

In some cases, women even demand their partners stop having solo sex and threaten to leave if they find out they’ve disobeyed the ‘rules’.

They do so at their own peril as this is what is likely to happen if you stop your partner from doing what he wants to his own body.

JUST FOUND OUT YOUR PARTNER STILL MASTURBATES?

Panic not…

It doesn’t mean he’s not getting enough sex with you.

It doesn’t mean he isn’t enjoying the sex he has with you.

It doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to you.

It doesn’t mean he wants you to look like the women he’s looking at onscreen.

It doesn’t mean he wants you to do what he’s watching while masturbating.

It doesn’t qualify as cheating – unless there’s interaction between him and the person/people he’s watching.

He’ll be angry and resentful

Understandably so. If someone told me I wasn’t allowed to use my vibrator when I was alone, my reaction would be outrage.

Masturbating is personal. If it’s not affecting your sex life together in a negative way, it’s no-one’s business but your own how and when you do it.

Privacy is the foundation for a happy, healthy relationship. Trying to control what your partner does with their body when you aren’t around is a violation of that. What’s next? Telling them they can’t fantasise?

It’s also pointless.

Most men view masturbating to porn as nothing more than scratching a sexual itch and harmless entertainment. If he sees nothing wrong with it, why would he stop it?

He’ll assume you don’t enjoy sex

Very few women who enjoy masturbating would stop their partners doing the same. Having sex with yourself offers the opportunity to be completely free and selfish. There’s no-one to impress or be judged by. You can fantasise about or watch whatever takes your fancy. It’s liberating, exciting and great for your libido.

Women who not only don’t mind their partner masturbating but have no judgement, usually have high libidos and are adventurous in bed.

Tracey (pictured) said: ‘Some women believe masturbation isn’t necessary or appropriate in a relationship because the man should satisfy all his sexual needs with his partner’

Couples who talk about masturbation openly and honestly are the couples who tick the ‘extremely satisfied’ box in all sex studies.

‘We’ll have a joke about it,’ one man told me. ‘She’ll try to guess what category of porn I choose. It’s the first time I haven’t had to hide it or be secretive. I’ve never been happier.’

He’ll want sex with you far more often

It’s (obviously) OK to not want sex as often as your partner does. It’s not OK to stop the one ‘acceptable’ outlet he has for satisfying himself when you don’t want it. That’s both unfair and unethical.

Most couples have some kind of disparity with sex drives. In almost all cases, the compromise of how often is made in favour of the person with the lower sex drive. If one wants sex five times a week and the other five times a month, it’s highly unlikely they’ll say, ‘Right! Three times a week it is then!’.

It’s usually not a genuine compromise. The only reason people agree to it, is that they know the unspoken (or spoken) agreement is that they will attempt to satisfy themselves when partner sex isn’t on offer.

HERE’S WHAT WOMEN THINK ABOUT THEIR PARTNER’S SOLO SEX SESSIONS

Here’s what they told me.

‘I know he waits for me to leave the house before he does it. He obviously has some unmet need that I can’t satisfy. It feels sneaky.’

‘I found him doing it under a blanket in his office. He could have woken me up for sex and I would have been happy to give it to him. It made me feel unwanted and unattractive.’

‘I think my partner likes to think it would bother me – he quite likes it when I act jealous – but I honestly don’t care less if he does it.’

‘I like to watch him do it, I find it sexy. It’s normal and healthy. The only issue I’d ever have is if it was negatively affecting our sex life in some way.’

‘So long as it’s not with someone on Instagram or someone he knows. That would be a deal breaker. But otherwise, I’m perfectly fine about it.’

‘I don’t think it’s bad to not want your partner to look at and think about other people in a sexual way when you’re in a monogamous relationship.’

Remove this and it’s a very different story.

If you’re asking your partner to stop masturbating because you want them to have more sex with you, go right ahead and suggest it.

Asking them to stop and put up with having their sexual needs unmet, is unreasonable – and dangerous.

A sexually unsatisfied partner is an unhappy one.

There is no research that links not being ‘allowed’ to masturbate to infidelity but there’s plenty of anecdotal evidence that shows he may well be more tempted to cheat.

He’ll be less in control of his orgasm

Masturbating teaches us about how our bodies work: what we like and don’t like. For women, solo sex is usually how we first learn how to have an orgasm. For men, it’s an important means of learning how to control ejaculation.

If he’s a premature ejaculator – finishes before he or you are ready – it’s likely to happen more if he stops masturbating. Not just because having a solo sex session before he has sex with you means he’ll last longer. But because learning to control the moment of pre-ejaculatory inevitability (the moment when his football team could walk in, and it still wouldn’t stop it happening) is best mastered during masturbation. ‘Peaking’ – learning to control levels of desire – is a technique that can only be done during solo sex.

He’ll lose out on many health benefits

Supplementing the orgasms you’re already having with your partner with extra solo ones is great news for your health.

Masturbating provides stress and pain relief and boosts your immune system. It improves heart health, lowers anxiety, reduces the risk of type-2 diabetes and, in men, can help prevent cancer. The more a man ejaculates, the lower his risk of prostate cancer.

It’s also a natural sleeping pill. Regular orgasms trigger the release of oxytocin and endorphins, improving our mood and making us feel happier and satisfied.

The more orgasms your body has, the better it feels.

HOW WOULD YOU REACT IF YOUR PARTNER BANNED YOU FROM SOLO SEX?

Here’s what men said when I posed that question.

‘It’s my body, I don’t need a free pass from you to give myself pleasure.’

‘I had an ex who insisted on me telling her when I was intending to masturbate. I mean, seriously? Who plans something like that?’

‘I’m sensitive and I orgasm quickly. Too quickly. Having lots of solo sex helps me hold off when I have sex with her. It would have a bad effect on our sex together.’

‘I’d be furious. My wife would also be very angry if I told her when she could and couldn’t touch her own body. It’s controlling and arrogant to think you have the right to dictate what your partner does to their body in private.’

‘Masturbating is different than sex. Sex with her is like a three-course meal, solo sex is a snack you grab when you feel hungry.’

‘My wife isn’t a sex doll. She’s not in my life to have sex with whenever the hell I feel like it. If I feel like getting off and I can tell now isn’t the time, it’s respectful to DIY.’

‘If I have a partner, then why would I have a desire to masturbate? I would want to save that orgasmic experience and share it with them. If men still want to masturbate with a partner beside them, there’s something missing – and that’s probably honest communication.’

‘It’s just something I do. I don’t give it another thought. I can’t imagine having a partner telling me to stop. My reaction would be, ‘Are you my mother or my lover?’.’

‘If my future girlfriend considered masturbating cheating, I wouldn’t do it. Her happiness would always be my priority.’

Is it ever OK to ban your partner from masturbating?

No. But it is OK to ASK them to take a break from it, if – and only if – the aim is to enhance partner sex.

If either of you masturbate regularly, stopping may increase your desire for each other. Being each other’s sole source of sexual stimulation can be incredibly erotic and bring you closer.

It will also make you more attuned to each other’s natural desire cycle. If your partner tells you every single time they get the urge to have sex, you’ll have a true indication of just how often they really want it. This may encourage you both to be fairer with the ‘how often’ compromise, so it’s not so massively skewed towards the low sex drive person.

Not watching porn can also have positive consequences, especially for men who confuse porn sex with real life sex. Porn is entertainment, not sex education. I also completely get that some people find porn unethical as an industry.

Asking a partner to abstain from watching porn – rather than asking them to stop masturbation – is a different request.

Tracey’s latest book, Great Sex Starts at 50, is the ultimate guide for happy long-term sex. You’ll find info about Tracey’s other books, podcasts and products at traceycox.com.

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