Hardcore Ineos Grenadier Roy Keane Edition sparked by Manchester United takeover

Ineos Grenadier Roy Keane Edition

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Ineos will use its partial takeover of Manchester United to ramp up interest in its automotive brand, starting with an ultra-rugged Roy Keane Edition of its Grenadier off-roader.

Secretly developed while the group’s £1.25bn stake in the struggling football team was being ratified, the Roy Keane Edition will be heavily inspired by the former United captain’s famously tough persona.

Its tyres will be studded – not for additional grip, but so it can injure other 4x4s that dare to cross it – while the exterior will be emblazoned with motifs reading ‘COMMITMENT’, ‘DESIRE’ and ‘QUALITY’ on every visible panel.

The limited-run car will also feature ‘Pundit mode’, where an AI-generated version of the 52-year-old’s voice will end every journey with an angry two-minute monologue explaining why your drive ‘wasn’t good enough for a club like Manchester United’.

Ineos Grenadier Roy Keane Edition

And it won’t stop there, with several former and current players in line to lend their name to future Ineos vehicles.

Rumour has it that David Beckham could help market a new, premium SUV designed solely to – in the words of one source – “knock the Range Rover off its perch.”

Meanwhile, a one-off Ineos Grenadier Quartermaster Marcus Rashford Edition pick-up will be fitted with a larger load bed so that it can carry thousands of school meals for the star’s next campaign for underprivileged children.

However, insiders have cautioned that it will also be geo-blocked from entering the city of Dublin and any airport that flies there.