Just when we thought things were finally getting good, we were condemned to another subpar episode of Love Island. The whole 65 minutes felt more like an instalment of Unseen Bits than the prime-time drama we’ve been treated to in the past week (the Millie/Lillie sit-down, Kaz/Tyler showdown, etc). Honestly, the real Unseen Bits – like Toby explaining why he thinks that, as children, we’re able to manifest the future size of our feet – is more interesting than what played out last night. Yesterday’s episode delivered little to report back – but I’ll give it my best shot. The boys were in full-on grovelling mode this episode. Even the villa’s resident man-child Toby managed to vocalise an itty-bitty apology when trying to woo back Chloe after ditching her for not one, but two girls. As Chloe aptly put it, “For Toby, that was like Shakespeare.” While both contestants have been up for the show’s “Most Annoying Contestant” title more than once, something about the two of them together makes sense. It could be that, like a nuclear zone, you want to contain the damage as best you can. At least with those two, it’s mutually assured destruction.
Tyler was thankfully less lucky on the Kaz front. The man was ultimately unable to convince Kaz that him pursuing things with her while still getting to know the new girl that he abandoned her for during Casa Amor isn’t the same as “having his cake and eating it too”.
Liam continued on his mission to win Millie back – a mission that, so far, has included a couple of texts and a somewhat dirty message scrawled in sharpie on a bit of kitchen roll. Yesterday, he upped the ante with a public speech declaring his love (or rather, “feelings”) 10 Things I Hate About You-style. Following a surprise performance from Mabel, the 21-year-old took to the stage with a brief message about Millie’s “piercing blue eyes” and “amazing personality”. We all cringed in unison, but apparently it did the job, with Millie later telling him that she’s ready to take “baby steps” towards rebuilding their relationship. A collective groan was released across the nation – or at least on Twitter.
Liam was all smiles after Millie chose him (for lack of anyone better in the villa, I suppose). And then it was Kaz’s turn to choose between old flame Tyler and new boy Matthew. She held her head high and chose Matthew. Then it happened. The only good thing to come out of yesterday’s episode: Kaz – having withstood Tyler’s entreaties to forgive, forget and let him essentially two-time her – giggled with Matthew who took his place next to her, before looking Tyler dead in the eye and winking. A wonderful “f*** you” wink that’ll go down in Love Island history among the show’s most memorable moments. Kaz’s decision left Clarisse in the clear to pick Tyler, who was visibly seething the entire time.
Abigail chose Dale causing Mary to inexplicably kick up the kind of fuss that would’ve only been appropriate if she and Dale were married with kids. Meanwhile, poor Sam was left standing up there like the last guy to be picked for PE. For once, Love Island didn’t leave us on a cliffhanger so at least we can be thankful for that. Plus, the fact that the public vote opened. This villa is overpopulated; let’s send some people packing.