Keeping my teenage daughter off social media hasn't been difficult. Here's why

Jemma and her partner, Scott, have clear guidelines around screen time that they both agree on, including no phones at meal times or family events. (Supplied)

More than half of Australian parents cite the use of apps such as TikTok, Facebook and Instagram as their top concern when it comes to their child’s wellbeing.

Jemma Guthrie, a Tartanya/Adelaide-based mother of two daughters, aged 12 and 15, made the decision to keep her children off social media.

These are her words.

We have always established boundaries

I didn’t find it difficult [not allowing my eldest daughter access to social media] in the early days of high school, because we have — throughout my kids’ childhood — always established boundaries on any type of media and what they watch, and there’s always been a conversation in our house about screen time.

My partner Scott [Carslake] and I both agreed on restricting social media access from the start. That wasn’t a hard decision for us at all, it really just came naturally based on a shared belief that offline life is better for children.

We were both conscious of having healthy practices with technology even before we had children.

Scott doesn’t have any interest in social media in his personal life and rarely uses it. I take the role of researcher about all things digital for our daughters and then I discuss it with him.

For us it was so much more about keeping screen time in general to a certain limit, and we want our kids to have their head up when they’re out in the world.

Our daughters are pretty familiar with the way we think about social media and where our boundaries are, but it certainly did become, probably last year for my eldest daughter, something she raised a few times because the truth is, most kids are on social media, and that’s a big part of how they communicate with each other.

We let our daughter join Instagram this year

We allowed our recently turned 15-year-old to get Instagram this year.

We had every intention of holding off until at least 16 but … I felt I had to loosen up and give her something at 15.

I don’t budge on things that are really important, but I’m willing to listen, and there are times where I think, “Yeah, OK, that’s a fair call. I understand that.”

And that’s what happened with Instagram. She just said to me, and she was quite upset, “Look, everybody talks about things on Instagram and TikTok all the time and I just can’t be a part of it.”

I could see her point.

I started to think it’s a bit like, when I was growing up, if you didn’t have a television in the house, and you couldn’t have the conversation about the soapies and popular shows, and I just thought, “Yeah, actually, I get it. I think the time’s come where it’s important for her to have some access to social media.”

She would also really like TikTok but … I’m holding firm on that.

When I realised that it was time to flex a little and allow her to have a social media app, my partner was initially hesitant, but he trusts my judgment and he understood the reasons.

We have clear guidelines around it that we both agree on, such as no phones at meal times or at family events.

Educating about risks in an age-appropriate way

We have had some quite open discussions about the internet in general and certainly about some of the darker sides of the internet.

I’ve always talked about the risks [you can be exposed to on social media] at an age-appropriate level.

I’ve basically told them that there is a lot of great stuff on social media and on the internet, but there’s also a lot of stuff you wouldn’t want to see.

There’s a lot of things you wouldn’t want to be exposed to. As my daughter’s gotten older, I’ve talked in more detail about that.

I think my daughter’s going to be a responsible user — she is so far. She doesn’t really post on there; she mostly wants to follow sports people, because she’s a big AFL fan.

She enjoys following the clubs and the players she likes and seeing those behind-the-scenes moments that you don’t get on TV and sharing things with her friends … that’s the thing she wants most out of it.

Advice for other parents

I know parents think it’s really difficult to keep the kids off social media … but I haven’t found it very difficult.

You have to identify whether it’s something that’s really important to you as a parent, because I don’t think you can hold limits and manage these things unless you’ve got a really strong conviction around it.

I know that for some people, it’s not an issue and it doesn’t bother them. I know friends of mine who don’t have any problems with it, and that’s fine, I don’t have any judgement on anybody.

I think we all make our own decisions, and we all have to parent with what feels right for us.

My partner and I both know we’re living in a digital world and it’s not all bad, we’re not trying to live in a cave. We just both agree strongly that social media should be introduced gradually and not too early in the teen years when the brain is still a long way from maturity.

The existence of social media has given parents a huge amount of extra work, and parenting is already a big job.

However, it’s really important work and I hope parents know they don’t need to feel powerless in the face of it.