The rules of society are changing, and more and more people today have sex lives outside the confines of a relationship. The most casual of sexual encounters, the one night stand, involves a thrilling, spontaneous meeting between two consensual partners who are emboldened by the fact that they may never see each other again. Enjoying a successful one night stand requires that you find a willing partner, engage in safe sexual practices and make a clean break once it’s all said and done.
Part 1 of 3: Finding a Willing Partner
Go looking at a bar or nightclub. One timeless strategy for finding a partner for a one-time fling is to search the nightlife. Visit your favorite bar, nightclub or lounge and post up for a while. Take note of the women around you and see who is alone and looks like they might be seeking company. When you find a girl you’re attracted to, strike up a conversation and offer to buy her a drink.
- Don’t harass a woman if she doesn’t want to be bothered or proposition her for sex right off the bat.
Use a hookup app. In the 21st century, having a one night stand is often as easy as getting on your phone. Download a dating or hookup app designed to bring interested parties together and begin playing the field digitally. You’ll be able to tell prospective partners a little about yourself and find out a little about them. If you match with someone who catches your eye, you can begin discussing the possibility of taking things to a physical level.
- People often find it easier to cut to the chase when negotiating a one night stand through technology rather than in person.
- Certain apps, like Tinder and Down, were designed purely to match up people looking for sex. These will be your best bet. The women on apps such as Bumble, OkCupid and eHarmony are most likely looking for something long-term.
Chat up single ladies at a party. Find a social gathering hosted by someone you know and go where the action is. There will always be lots of eligible men and women at mixers, and you might even be able to get a mutual friend to make an introduction for you. Spend a little time flirting with different women and get a sense of which ones might be open to a carefree sexual encounter.
- Know the limits of decency. If she’s had too much to drink, her judgment may be impaired.
- Make sure the girl you’re talking to isn’t there with someone else before you try to pick her up.
Have your friends set you up. Ask a close friend to play matchmaker. They may have other friends in their circle of acquaintances who are in a similar position and wouldn’t mind getting fixed up by someone they trust. Your friend will also be able to put in a good word on your behalf and vouch for the character of the girl you’re meeting, so the two of you won’t have to worry about what kind of person the other is.
- Ideally, this will be someone you don’t know that your friend isn’t too close with. It’s generally a bad idea to sleep with someone if it may have a negative impact on your friendships.
Part 2 of 3: Sealing the Deal
Look your best. Since one night stands are almost exclusively physical in nature, you’ll want to make yourself as alluring as possible. Shower and groom yourself meticulously. Pick out a clean, good looking outfit that accentuates your best features. Spritz on a little fragrance. Above all, project confidence. The more assured you appear, the more desirable you’ll be.
- Devote a little extra time to cleaning up your intimate areas if you think sex might be on the table.
Show an interest in her. When you find a suitable partner, make an effort to learn her name and find out a bit about her. This will give you just enough insight into who you’re with to make your temporary connection memorable. Put her at ease by treating her like a person with a mind of her own, not just a sexual object. It’s one thing to have a fun fling, but no one wants to feel like they’re being used.
- Don’t rush things. It only makes you look desperate. No one wants to get together with someone who’s just looking for an easy score.
- Pay attention to see if she’s returning your interest. Coy eye contact, smiling, raised eyebrows and a willingness to flirt in an overtly sexual manner are all good signs. If she purses or licks her lips, touches her hair or body suggestively or emphasizes her erogenous parts to make sure you notice them, it’s almost certainly a sure bet.
- There’s no time limit for setting up a one night stand. Spend as long as you want getting to know your prospective partner. Make conversation, take her out to dinner, go for drinks. Ideally, you should both be excited by everything that comes before sex, too.
Make your intentions clear. As soon as the possibility of physical intimacy gets brought up, be direct with her about your desires. Don’t lie to her, misrepresent your feelings or string her along in order to get what you want. A one night stand should be a consensual experience for both people. You’re both mature, responsible adults and are capable of deciding whether you can live with a one-off hookup.
- When it comes time to make your move, do it in a way that isn’t forceful. Say something like “I think you’re really attractive and I’d like to make you feel good for a night, if you’re interested.”
- If she’s hopeful about seeing you again in the future, she might feel pressured to do something she otherwise wouldn’t do.
Bring protection. Always come prepared. If you’re a guy, stash a couple condoms in your wallet so you won’t be caught without a contraceptive. If you’re a girl, think about whether you’d feel comfortable bringing a dental dam along. It’s also best to be upfront about any sexually transmittable infections either of you may have to avoid any unpleasant surprises later.
- It’s always better to have protection ready than to deal with unplanned consequences later on.
- Never withhold knowledge of an STD or illness. Your partner’s health matters.
Make sure your partner is comfortable during the act. Since you’ve never been together before, you should be open to communicating with one another about your individual desires, hangups and level of comfort. Find out whether a given technique, position or behavior is okay with her before trying or asking for it. Respect her boundaries and be careful about making her feel pressured or judged, and be clear about what is and isn’t alright for you in return. As long as you’re on the same page, a night of casual intimacy can be a lot of fun for both of you.
- A one night stand can be a great place to act out your most torrid fantasies without worrying about making things weird, but everyone has their limits. Remember that the two of you are essentially working together to satisfy each other, and, unless it’s explicitly agreed upon beforehand, no one person should be in complete control.
- You should have your partner’s consent every step of the way. Whether the pressure comes before or after you’re in bed together, it’s still wrong.
Part 3 of 3: Handling the Aftermath
Spend the night together. Once the deed is done, get comfy and plan to stay a while. There is a certain level of respect that should go along with sex, and unless she indicates otherwise, it would be inconsiderate to sneak out or make excuses for why you have to leave. Relax and take pleasure in each other’s company for the night, then go your separate ways when the sun rises.
- Leaving immediately after you’re finished sends the message that you don’t even want to be around her, which can easily ruin the experience for her.
- Remember, you’re with another human being, and they have feelings that can be hurt.
Don’t send mixed signals. Resist the pressure to do a lot of cuddling or kissing after sex, and don’t start telling her how much you like her. There may be an expectation to bring emotions into the mix. However, this will only complicate things for both of you. Be nice and act friendly towards her, but don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep. If you’ve been honest about what you’re after, there should be no reason to make your time together seem like anything more than what it is.
- Never say “I’ll call/text” you if you have no plan to.
Make it known that further communication is optional. The two of you should be clear on what level of communication is appropriate before you part ways. It may be that you’re both content with the fun you’ve had and don’t feel the need to see or talk to each other again. Or, you might like the idea of becoming casual friends and sending each other a text once in awhile. Restate the fact that you both agreed it should be a one-time thing.
- Keep things light. You don’t have to send each other a friend request on Facebook or schedule another time to get together just because you kept each other company for a night.
- Sometimes feelings can develop unexpectedly. If that’s not what you want, say so. Remind her of your original arrangement. Be firm (but not rude) if you have to.
End on a high note. Rather than walking off with your clothes in your hand and your head hung in shame, be appreciative of the time you shared. Thank her for showing you a good time and let her know that you enjoyed getting to know her a little. Sex should be a pleasurable interaction with no regrets. There’s no point in having a one night stand if it leaves you feeling disgraced.
- Reassure her that you’ll be discreet about the details of your encounter.
- If you do things the right way, having a one night stand can exhilarate and satisfy both individuals without causing any awkward fallout.
- Don’t ever skip the protection when hooking up with someone you don’t know. Failure to take the proper precautions can result in accidental pregnancy, the spreading of sexually transmitted infections, or, at the very least, paranoia. Thanks! Helpful 23 Not Helpful 3
- Know when a girl is playing hard to get and when she wants to be left alone. Never try to force someone to do something they don’t want to do. Thanks! Helpful 22 Not Helpful 3
- Go easy on the alcohol. Having a few drinks can help you loosen up, but too many will end up creating obstacles. Drunken, foolish behavior is off-putting and will kill your charm. In the worst case scenario, you might wake up with no memory of the night before. Thanks! Helpful 18 Not Helpful 5
- In some circumstances, you or your partner may develop an attachment after having sex. Keep this in mind and be prepared to deal with it. Thanks! Helpful 15 Not Helpful 4