How to End a Codependent Relationship

Asia's Tech News Daily

A codependent relationship can manifest in many ways: you may feed into your partner’s alcoholism or be a people pleaser who’s afraid to say no. The codependency may revolve around drugs or substances, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, chronic pain, or a mental illness. Codependent relationships occur when one person gives love through giving assistance while the other person feels love by receiving the assistance. While this exchange may feel good for a time, it is not designed to last, and at some point, one person will be unhappy. Often, the best solution for a codependent relationship is to end it.

Steps

Part 1 Part 1 of 3:Ending the Relationship Download Article

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Recognize your choices. You may feel as if you do not have choices in this relationship. However, you do have the freedom to love someone because you choose to and not through dependency. You have the freedom to leave a destructive or harmful relationship. Recognize your ability to choose what you want and what serves you best.

  • The relationship may feel like it is serving the other person much more than it is serving you. Is it your responsibility to take care of this person? Think about what options you have, and that the other person is capable of making choices, too.

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Be firm in leaving. Often, codependent people may become so engrossed in someone else’s care that they neglect their own needs and become out of touch with their own desires, wants, and needs. If you’re ready to end the relationship, be firm in your assertion to end the relationship, and know that this decision is what you want and need. Before going into a discussion, remind yourself that you are firm in your decision and are not open to renegotiating the relationship or giving it “another shot.”

  • Chances are, you’ve probably already given this person “just one more chance” without much changing.
  • If you end the codependent relationship yet the person is still in your life (like a parent or sibling), be firm in enforcing your boundaries.
  • Be firm, even when the person pleads with you to stay. Say, “I’ve given this a lot of thought and I am sure of my decision. I am not willing to waver on my decision.”

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Have a talk. Ending a codependent relationship may be difficult just to walk away from and may require a discussion. The other person may feel confused if the dynamics of the relationship suddenly change and their needs are no longer being met in the same way without explanation. Choose a time when there are no interruptions, and open the discussion.

  • You can say, “I’ve noticed that the way we interact isn’t healthy. I’m realizing how little I take care of myself. It’s important for me to keep boundaries, and that means ending this relationship with you.”

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Act calmly. The other person may not take your decision well. He or she may react in anger, rage, upset, hurt, or sadness. Even if the person threatens you, remain calm in your demeanor. Don’t raise your voice, yell, or swear. If the person is yelling, respond with a soft and gentle voice. It’s likely the person will mirror your behaviors.

  • If the person starts to accuse you, say, “I’m not willing to talk about things from the past or get into an argument with you. I’m letting you know how I feel and that I am leaving.”
  • For more information, check out How to Calm an Angry Person.

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Express your feelings. It’s up to you how much you wish to discuss with the person. You may wish to say, “I cannot go on with this relationship” or you may wish to elaborate and say what is not working for you. When talking about your feelings, keep the focus on you and avoid blaming the other person. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.

  • For example, “I” statement keep the focus on you and not on blaming the other person. Instead of saying, “You take all of my attention and you wear me out” say, “I’ve put myself in this position and find myself tired all the time. This isn’t good for me.”

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Set limits. Ending some codependent relationships may mean completely walking away, while others may end a codependent relationship in favor of a healthy relationship, such as family relationships. You may feel entirely responsible for the action of others. Or, you may feel like you have to go over and above your share of the responsibilities. Start to set limits on what you are willing and unwilling to do.

  • For example, If your brother is hungover and wants you to call his work with an excuse, say to him, “It was not my decision to drink last night. This is a consequence you have to deal with on your own.”
  • if you need to study for a test and a friend calls you to talk about her problems, say, “I care about you and want to support you, however, it’s important for me to study for my exam tomorrow. Why don’t we check in tomorrow?”
  • If you want to set specific boundaries, let the person know. Say, “We may have to work some things out, but I’m unwilling to meet with you face to face. I want to limit our communication to texts.”
  • For more information, check out How to Stop Being a People Pleaser.

Part 2 Part 2 of 3:Confronting the Codependent Behaviors Download Article

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Think about what the relationship fulfilled for you. While you may feel like you put in a lot of effort to this relationship– including caretaking roles– it’s likely you’ve also gained from this relationship. If you did not find some fulfillment in the relationship, you probably would have ended the relationship much sooner. Consider how this relationship has served you and why it no longer serves you.

  • For example, you may have felt like you had a sense of purpose by taking care of someone who was an alcoholic or that had a major medical condition. You may love the feeling of “being needed” or being in control.

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Work through feelings of abandonment. People in codependent relationships tend to have a fear of abandonment. This can be one reason they choose a helping role in a relationship: taking care of someone and having someone depend on them means this person won’t likely abandon them. If you have a fear of people leaving you, see a therapist. Therapy can help you work through feelings of abandonment, explore ways to care for yourself, and trust others.

  • Often, abandonment issues start in childhood or with a traumatic event. It’s beneficial to work through these issues in order to help you free yourself from the fear of abandonment.

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Validate your own self-worth. Chances are, you find at least part of your self-worth in caretaking. Instead of relying on helping others to validate you, learn to validate yourself without needing others to validate you. You may feel as if you need others to tell you how important you are, but you can do this on your own.

  • As you think about ending the codependent relationship, reflect on where you derive your sense of self-worth. How do you perceive yourself? What are your own thoughts about who you are and what you deserve? Do other people seem more able to attain success or happiness than you?

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Meet your own needs. You may be so caught up in meeting someone else’s needs that you neglect your own needs. While it may feel like the person depends on you, recognize what is within your own responsibility. It’s likely that by devoting your time, attention, and resources on this person, you’ve neglected taking care of yourself. You may feel like you have no idea who you are outside of taking care of this person, or that your full identity is taking care of someone.

  • Start to regain a sense of what your own needs are. For instance, do you need alone time to recharge after a stressful day? What do you do to cope with stress? Have you neglected your nutritional or exercise needs? What about sleep?

Part 3 Part 3 of 3:Handling the Aftermath Download Article

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Create physical distance. Spend less time with the person and don’t clear your schedule to take care of the person’s needs. If you live with the person you are in a codependent relationship with, move out. Living together may exacerbate the need to caretake for the person. Moving out can create physical distance between the two of you, which can help decrease the need to caretake. Help create emotional and physical space between the two of you by spending less time together.

  • You can also create emotional distance from this person. Gently let the person know that you are not willing to respond to texts, emails, or phone calls. Say, “I want this relationship to be complete. I don’t want this to be confusing and I think we both need time to process. For that reason, I don’t plan to respond to texts, phone calls, or emails.”

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Process your feelings. Don’t stuff your feelings down, or tell yourself that everyone is just fine. Instead, process how you feel and pay attention to your feelings. Reflect on the relationship and your sense of identity after it. Identify and process each emotion that comes up and don’t ignore how you feel.

  • You may choose to process your feelings through a journal, by talking to a friend, or by seeing a therapist.

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Accept your grief. Undoubtedly, it will be difficult to end the codependent relationship. Accept that it will be hard and may hurt. Don’t repress your grief, which may lead to depression. Instead, accept it and allow yourself to feel it. Grief can include feelings of disbelief, anger, fear, and sadness. Other symptoms of grief may include feeling tired, tense, empty, or having changes in sleep or eating habits.

  • Allow grief to run its course. Let go of what may have been and accept what is.
  • One way to work through grief is by observing your body. The more you think, the less connected you are to your emotional experience. When experiencing emotions, pay attention to how it feels in your body. Where do you feel it, and what kind of sensation do you feel? Let the bodily sensations and the emotions move through you.

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Seek social support. It can be difficult to separate yourself from a codependent relationship. Have someone to talk to about ending the relationship who will support you. Reach out for emotional support by talking to a friend or family member. A trusted friend can help guide you through making tough decisions, then support you as you follow through with difficult choices.

  • For more information, check out How to Build a Social Network.

How to End a Codependent Relationship

Go to therapy. If you find it difficult to process the end of the relationship on your own, a therapist may be helpful. Therapy can help you address your thoughts, attitudes, emotions, and behaviors and discover what is beneficial and what is hurting you. Therapy can help you increase your self-awareness and your coping skills.

  • A therapist’s role is to challenge and support you. Be prepared to grow and approach difficult aspects of yourself in therapy.
Internet Explorer Channel Network
Asia's Tech News Daily
News Related

OTHER NEWS

What to Do if Your Partner Is Bad at Comforting You

It can be really frustrating to feel like your partner doesn’t understand what you need emotionally. There are a lot of reasons this might happen—maybe they weren’t raised in a ... Read more »

How to Do a Road Trip in America

If you’re looking for your next fun vacation, cruising through the USA can be an unforgettable experience. Since America is so big, it can be a little tough knowing the ... Read more »

Men experience more emotional pain in breakups than women: Report

Breakups are more painful for men than women. A new study has found that men in heterosexual relationships feel more pain than females after a breakup and are also more ... Read more »

Nadia Bokody: Man's bedroom question shocked me

OPINION: As a sex columnist, I get sent all sorts of questions. I’ve been asked about threesomes, foot fetishes, bondage, butt stuff – you name it. It’s incredibly rare for ... Read more »

Covid-19 Delta outbreak: Vax vs anti-vax issue tearing Kiwi families apart

A story this week revealed a woman in the US had been dumped by the man she was dating when he found out she was vaccinated. The man wished her ... Read more »

Russell Crowe's son is all grown up and graduating from high school

Russell Crowe’s first-born son Charles is all grown up and graduating from high school. The 17-year-old, whom Crowe shares with his ex-wife Australian singer Danielle Spencer, looks much like his ... Read more »

Hey Bestie: Who should pay on the first date?

Who should pay on the first date? I know it’s old fashioned but I’ve always believed the man should pay on the first date but I recently went out with ... Read more »

TikToker shares shock discovery of 50 siblings she never knew about

In a TikTok video that has been shared more than 115,000 times, a young woman from New Jersey in the USA has revealed that after embarking on an ancestry test ... Read more »

Men experience more heartbreak than women after a breakup, study finds

Most of us have gone through or will go through a break-up at some point in our lives. And with the pandemic seeing a surge in long-term relationships ending and ... Read more »

Meghan Markle's half-brother Thomas claims 'money and fame' went to her head 'really bad'

The Duchess of Sussex’s half-brother claims “money and fame” went to the former actress’ head “really bad”. Thomas Markle Jr. claims he and Meghan – who has children Archie, two, ... Read more »

How to Avoid Rushing Into a Relationship

Falling in love is exciting and fills you with hope, so it’s easy to get carried away. However, rushing a relationship can prevent you from creating a healthy relationship with ... Read more »

How to Uninstall Adobe Creative Suite

This wikiHow will teach you how to uninstall the Adobe Creative Cloud suite including the desktop app for Windows and Macs. Although Adobe does not recommend uninstalling the app, you ... Read more »

How to Regain Independence in a Relationship

Sharing your life with someone you love is great. You have a constant partner in crime, you support each other through highs and lows, and you share responsibilities. Being somewhat ... Read more »

How to Love Someone the Way They Need

We all express and receive love in different ways. What works for you might not work for your loved one, and vice versa. If you’re struggling to love someone the ... Read more »

Record label drops Zayn Malik amid Gigi Hadid split, claims he 'shoved' her mother

Singer Zayn Malik has been dropped by his record label amid his split from model Gigi Hadid. It comes amid fans’ fears he has been smoking “extremely strong” cannabis and ... Read more »

The Dating Diaries: How to survive a break up friendship custody battle

You know it’s bad when you don’t want to break up with them because their friends are really cool. You always hear about relationships where one partner doesn’t like the ... Read more »

Hey Bestie: Should I have sex with someone who chooses not to get the COVID-19 vaccine?

Hey Bestie: I strongly believe in vaccination but I’m talking to a couple of guys on dating apps who are not planning to get the COVID jab, is it fair ... Read more »

How to Check Browsing History on a WiFi Router

This wikiHow will teach you how to check the browsing history on a WiFi router using a web browser. Some newer routers, like those rented from Spectrum, may not allow ... Read more »

Eco-friendly lovers should have sex in the dark

Eco-friendly lovers should romp in the dark to save the planet. Scientists have advised people to think about the environment when getting intimate and have suggested that people should avoid ... Read more »

How to Uninstall Updates on Google Play Services

This wikiHow will teach you how to uninstall updates on Google Play services. However, doing this may cause your Android to malfunction. Steps Download Article Open Settings . You can ... Read more »

Gummi Bears Child Care Centre fined $27,000 after girl suffers second degree burns to her chest and arm during activity

A five-year-old girl suffered such extreme burns to her face and body during a playdough activity at a childcare centre that she needed skin grafting. Hot water splashed onto the ... Read more »

How to Create a Weightlifting Program (Experienced Lifters)

When starting out in the gym, a good starting point for a routine would be training each muscle group one time a week and giving each a day. A day ... Read more »

How to Say "Sister" in Hebrew

Hebrew is an ancient Canaanite language, and it can be a little complicated. Don’t worry! We’ll walk you through how to say “sister” and other family words here. Read on. ... Read more »

How to Say "Girl" in Mandarin

There are many Mandarin Chinese vocabulary words that refer to females, so which should you use? Read on to learn the appropriate way to refer to a girl in various ... Read more »

How to Make Watalappan

If you’re a fan of flan, you’ll love this coconut-flavored custard from Sri Lanka. Instead of using cream and sugar, whisk together coconut milk and kithul jaggery. Incorporate eggs, cardamom, ... Read more »

Lee Suckling: Why lockdown won't stop my Halloween celebrations

OPINION: Halloween is gay Christmas. You might not know this unless you’re queer, but it’s our high holiday of the year. Months of planning go into our costumes. We get ... Read more »

How to Get a Travel Itinerary Without Paying

A travel itinerary refers to a schedule of planned events for a given trip. While this is often easy enough for a domestic vacation, things get more complicated when you ... Read more »

How to Encourage Giving in Church

Asking for money from members of your congregation can feel like an intimidating task—personal finances are usually private, but in a church, those donations are what enable you to have ... Read more »

How to Welcome a Church Visitor

Churches should be welcoming places where new visitors feel free to explore and meet new friends. Because it’s been a while since many of us have been first-timers, some congregations ... Read more »

How to Register a Church

When you start a church in the US you typically register it with the state and federal governments. This registration isn’t the same as getting a license to operate your ... Read more »

How to Begin a Children's Ministry

Steps | Tips and Warnings | If you’re keen to start a children’s ministry or restart an old children’s ministry, you’ll need to have a mission statement that encompasses your ... Read more »

How to Set up a Church Library With Fiction and Non Fiction

Text Only Text Only You believe that the people at your Church should learn more and more about their faith. You believe that being a Christian is more than just ... Read more »

How to Break Growth Barriers in Your Church

Text Only Text Only Small churches almost always run into rigid growth barriers when they try to expand their congregations, especially past the 200, 400, and 800 attendee mark. To ... Read more »

How to Start a Church

A church is a spiritual community that comes together in common fellowship. If you’re dissatisfied with your local options and have a group of like-minded thinkers and believers, you may ... Read more »

How to Count the Offering

Counting the offering in church should be an organized and systematic process. Still, it should be simple. Steps Before the service starts, set up the count room with all the ... Read more »

How to Ask Your Crush Out on Instagram: Your Most Important Questions Answered

If you’ve been crushing on someone for a while, you’re probably dying to ask them out. Making a move over Instagram can be a little less nerve-wracking than trying to ... Read more »

The Dating Diaries: How to tell if it's just lust, or if it's real love

The Killers once said “it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?” and so did I last weekend. So, what was it? Lust or love? ... Read more »

Hey Bestie: How do I revive our dire post-baby sex life?

We’ve got two kids under five and our sex life is dire! Either I’m too tired or not in the mood or he is, or the kids are awake and ... Read more »
On free-english-test.com you will find lots of free English exam practice materials to help you improve your English skills: grammar, listening, reading, writing, ielts, toeic