After going out on a fun first date with a guy, you’re probably really excited for him to text and continue your conversation. If you’re the guy, it’s equally nerve-wracking figuring out when to reach out without coming on too strong. While there aren’t any set rules for how long you should wait in either situation, there are a couple of things you should keep in mind if you really want to grow your relationship. We’ll cover some guidelines whether you’re waiting for or sending the first text as well as what you can say in your message.
Method 1 of 3: Waiting for a Text
Text him first if you don’t want to wait for him. Even though you may think it’s the guy’s job to message you first, don’t be afraid to take the initiative. If you had a good time on the date or want to keep up the conversation, reach out and let him know. The guy may appreciate you taking the first step so he doesn’t feel as much pressure figuring out what to say.
Give him the rest of the day if you think the date went well. If you both had a good time and he seemed into you, the guy may reach out within a few hours after your date wraps up. Keep your eyes out for a message within the hour after your date, but don’t get discouraged if you don’t get one right away. He may also wait until later in the evening to bring up the date and tell you goodnight so he’s the last thing on your mind.
- Try not to panic if you don’t hear from him immediately after the date. The guy just may need some time to think about how everything went, especially if you just met for the first time.
See if he responds on the third day after the date if he’s old-fashioned. Even though it’s kind of antiquated, some guys follow a “3-day rule” where they won’t reach out until a few days after your date. Waiting makes them think they seem interested in you but not too desperate, so they may feel more comfortable texting you at that point. While it can be hard waiting for a response, give him a couple of days to follow up with you.
- The guy truly could be busy with other things in his life, so cut him a little slack if he takes a few days to respond.
- Many guys are trying to steer clear of the “3-day rule” now since it could make you question if they’re really into you.
Move on if you don’t hear anything from him for a week. If you haven’t had any contact with your date within the week, it may mean he’s trying to play games or that he’s not interested. It might sting a bit if you think the date went well, but you deserve to find someone who wants to keep talking to you rather than making you wait longer. Take as much time as you need for yourself before putting yourself back out there.
Method 2 of 3: Sending the Text
Text within an hour of the date if it went well. Since messaging is so quick and convenient, you can easily let the person know if you had a really good time rather than waiting. If you want to see the person again, reach out sooner than later so they know you’re interested. Just take enough time for yourself to really think about the date and if it’s someone that you enjoy being around.
- Trust your instincts after the date. If you feel like you had fun with the person, tell them.
Give it a day or two if you’re unsure about how you feel yet. It’s okay if you don’t know exactly how you feel about another person after you meet them for the first time. Take the rest of the day and the next to really think about the time you had. Ask yourself if you enjoyed the person’s company, if you’re compatible, and if it’s someone you want to spend more time with getting to know. Whether you want to see them again or want to break it off, reach out and let them know.
- Think about your date’s body language when you were together. If it seemed like they were nervous or anxious, they may be unsure about their feelings too.
Forget about using the “3-day rule” to get them more interested in you. You may have heard about waiting until the third day after your date to contact the person again, but this can seem really old-fashioned. Waiting around can also make your date question if you’re truly interested in them or if you’re trying to play games. It’s so quick to send a text, so just message them as soon as you know how you feel about continuing the relationship.
- You may worry about coming off too strong if you message sooner than 3 days, but it lets the person know that you’re thinking about them.
Avoid waiting longer than 1 week if you want to maintain your relationship. While you should really reflect on how you feel about the person, a week is a long time to keep them waiting on you. Even if you don’t want another date with the person, you should still be respectful and talk to them within a few days of the date.
- Waiting makes the other person think that you’ve moved on, ghosted them, or are trying to play mind games with them.
Method 3 of 3: Writing a Good Message
Start with something specific that made you smile during the date. If you had a good time out on your date, let the other person know that you had a great time with them. Think back on a memorable moment from your date that made you happy and bring it up in your message. Telling the person something specific you liked lets them know you enjoy their company and are interested in seeing them again.
- For example, you could say something like, “I had such a great time at dinner tonight. I couldn’t stop smiling from all the jokes you told!”
- As another example, you could say, “Tonight was such a blast. I can’t believe you beat me at bowling in the last frame, but it was so fun cheering you on!”
- For another example, you might say, “Thanks for taking me to that movie! It was SO good. OMG we have to talk about the ending! I still can’t believe you guessed that would happen!”
Suggest a second date within 2 weeks if you want to see them again. Rather than only talking over text, make a plan for your next date so you can bond in person again. Try to set your next date within 2 weeks of your first one so you don’t lose any intimacy that developed. Reach out to the person early in the week if you’re planning a weekend date so you don’t feel pressured or rushed.
- For example, you could say something like, “I had such a good time last night. I was wondering if you wanted to get together again this Saturday night?”
- As another example, you could say, “It was so nice meeting you the other day, and I’d love to get to know you more. Would you like to grab a cup of coffee this weekend?”
- Another example you might say could be, “It was really fun grabbing dinner with you last night. I’d love to catch up again later this week. How does Friday night sound?”
Ask how they’re doing to keep up small talk between dates. If you’re interested to learn more about the person, continue the conversation so you don’t lose touch. Keep it casual in between your dates by asking about the person’s day or about their interests. Try to learn as much as you can about them so you can keep growing and building your relationship when you aren’t together.
- For example, you could say, “Hey, how’s the rest of your day been?” or “Hey you, how are you doing?”
- Some good informative questions you can ask the other person include, “What’s your favorite book?” or “What’s your dream job?”
- If the person doesn’t respond to your text, wait for about 4 hours before reaching out to them again. That way, you can gently remind them of the conversation without sounding too needy or desperate.
Let them down nicely if you’re not interested in seeing them. Unfortunately, not every date will go as well as the others. If you’re not feeling a connection, tell the person right away so you don’t lead them on or hurt their feelings even more. Be honest with how you’re feeling, but use kind words so you don’t hurt the person’s feelings more. After that, give the person some space and avoid texting them again.
- For example, you might say, “It was nice getting to know you, but I don’t think we’re the best match. I appreciate you understanding.”
- As another example, you could say, “You’re a great person, but it feels like we’d be better as friends. Thanks for understanding.”
- Another thing you might say is, “Hey, Josh. I appreciate you taking me out to dinner last night, but I think it’s better if we see other people. Thanks for a nice time.”
- Avoid saying anything too clingy or sexual right away since it could be a turn-off. Thanks! Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0