The pros and cons of following the 3-date rule in a new relationship

people skating outdoors in a park in Quebec

Francois Therrien // Shutterstock

Dating in Canada: The 3-date rule and 3 ideas for a budget-conscious good time

Dating in Canada can be hard and making it to the third date is a big deal. Ask any experienced dating app user — where a simple swipe right or left can make or break a budding romance. For single Canadians, making it to the third date adds a bit of pressure — for the expectation of physical intimacy and the impact on the pocketbook.

“I haven’t dated for about a year,” explains Reddit user MountainPerformer210. “One of my biggest pet peeves … was dealing with the third date.”

By the third date, there appears to be an expectation of physical contact. It’s an assumption that draws directly from the three-date rule.

Money.ca digs into dating Canadian-style to reinforce why the three-date rule works, before listing three ideas for a budget-conscious good time.

What is the 3-date rule?

The three-date rule suggests that the third date offers the ideal opportunity for potential partners to initiate physical intimacy. The idea is that by the third date, both partners will have a much higher comfort level and a better appreciation of where they’d like to take the relationship.

While this rule is more of a guideline, some statistical evidence suggests that waiting until the third date — or longer — can help improve the quality of a relationship. In a 2014 study, authors Brian Willoughby, Jason Carroll, and Dean Busby concluded that “waiting to initiate sexual intimacy in unmarried relationships was generally associated with positive outcomes.”

Perhaps this is why the three-date rule has been popularized in various Hollywood movies and TV shows, including “Sex and The City,” where the character Charlotte York used this dating trend as her urban romance mantra.

How the 3-date rule can hurt

Canadian singles may find the three-date rule helpful, but it can also add a sense of urgency and implied importance to the third date. This can be a problem as the added pressure can lead to dashed expectations, blown budgets, or both.

To set realistic expectations and reduce the pressure to be intimate before you are ready, it’s best to set clear boundaries, explains dating and relationship expert founder of LoveQuestCoaching, Lisa Concepcion, in an interview with Cosmopolitan.

On the flip side, you’ll need to set dating financial boundaries to avoid depleting your cash reserves while looking for love. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. According to a Bumble survey, there’s been a noticeable uptick in removing money from the taboo topic list. As a result, 28% of dating app users chose to set financial boundaries in their dating lives in 2023.

How to set dating financial boundaries

Setting a financial boundary can be uncomfortable but necessary. Consider it a critical skill that’s required to accomplish bigger financial goals.

To set a financial boundary you need to establish and stick to limits, which are dictated by your current budget and future goals.

The only difference with dating financial boundaries is that the limits focus on what you spend on dates — and this includes transit, food, entertainment, gifts, and even your wardrobe.

To set dating financial boundaries, start with establishing a date budget. Once you know what you’re willing to spend, you can narrow down your options.

To help, consider making a list of restaurants based on price points and always check out the menu online, so you know exactly what to order ahead of time and can estimate what the total bill will cost. Do the same for entertainment options.

By doing this research beforehand, you can easily build out ideas for each date that fit your dating financial boundaries.

The best part is that almost a third (32%) of those dating in Canada would be impressed by “over-the-top” first dates, while more than half (57%) are more interested in casual, not fancy dates, according to survey data from Bumble.

Tips for keeping costs down

If you’re looking for a solid date idea while still keeping cash in mind, here are three strategies. Just remember, to keep within your dating budget, it’s best to do some research before setting off for a romantic soiree.

No. 1: Take it outdoors

One great strategy to keep costs lower is to set up an outdoor date. This helps eliminate budget creep as it eliminates many budget-buster temptations, such as buying a better bottle of wine or staying for another round of cocktails. To make the most of an outdoor date, make sure you know the weather and have a backup plan — oh, and let your date know so they can dress appropriately.

A few suggestions for outdoor dates include:

• A park and a picnic
• Plan to complete a photo shoot or movie montage
• Set up a scavenger hunt
• Spend the day at the beach or lake
• Go for a hike
• Rent a tandem bike
• Visit a farm, garden, or bird sanctuary

No. 2: Unconventional entertainment

While dinner and a movie or a late-night cocktail are often the standard go-to date ideas, there are plenty of other options. As such, it pays to keep in mind the unconventional entertainment options that can make for a great date.

A few suggestions include:

• Art galleries
• Roller skating
• Ice skating
• Board game cafe
• Aquarium
• Farmer’s market
• Bowling
• Free concerts
• Indoor rock climbing

No. 3: Stay home

By the third date, you may want to try a more intimate setting — just keep in mind that this intimate setting is about getting to know one another, not about setting the scene for physical intimacy.

A few suggestions include:

• Cook dinner together
• Watch a movie (great option if you have a good home theatre)
• Download a karaoke app and sing the night away
• Make mocktails together
• Play board games or solve a puzzle together

Bottom line

There’s hope for single Canadians looking for love in 2024. If your goal is to find love, without going broke, concentrate on setting your financial and personal limits. The more honest and committed you are to yourself and your own goals, the more attractive you may be to a potential partner.

This story was produced by Money.ca and reviewed and distributed by Stacker Media.