Ask Tina: I'm worried my sister's fiancé is too old for her

Dear Tina for the last three years my sister has been happily dating a much older man who seems very nice, he has now asked her to marry him and she has accepted.

I’m worried about her decision and I’ve told her how I feel but she insists she loves him and wants to go ahead with the wedding. I wonder if it’s a big mistake as he’s nearly twice her age and they probably won’t have many years together. He’s quite well off and owns a nice home but I’m worried she will be left a young widow.

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What do you think Tina, am I being unreasonable and worrying for nothing or am I right to voice my concern?

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Tina’s Response:

When we marry and are very much in love, we look forward to many happy years together, building a life, possibly having children and growing into old age together. However, in your sister’s case, this may not be possible because of her husband’s age but, there is nothing to say that your sister may not pass on before him…sadly life can deal us blows that we are not expecting so it’s best to grab what happiness you can when you can.

Your sister has opted for the man she loves regardless of his age, preferring to spend what years they have together happily in love rather than dumping him with the prospect of maybe never finding anyone she has the same feelings for.

They have dated for three years so by now any skeletons in his cupboard should have emerged and they should be reasonably well aware of either one’s failings and yet, they still want to go ahead with a life together so that’s a good sign.

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You say he has a nice home and is comfortably well off, that would give the impression that your sister rather than starting out with a never-ending mortgage etc, will start her married life blissfully debt free which before you go anywhere takes a hell of a strain off a new marriage.

You don’t say whether he has been married before or has had any children, this is something your sister would need to take into account going forward for her welfare financially. It would be extremely difficult for her to spend years with her husband only to find that when he passes, she’s kicked out of their family home. He would need to make a Will ensuring your sister is financially cared for should he die before her.

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Has she ever confided in you whether she would like children with him because that’s another thing to take into account financially, children cost an awful lot of money even after they have left the nest!

Another really important issue to consider is whether he has many friends, does he gets on with his extended family, does he have a good social life. All these things are important markers.

I’m very much of the opinion that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. If you can see the upside then I really think you should wish your sister well, celebrate the fact that she has met Mr Right regardless of his age and get planning her wedding.

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