Are YOU struggling to be intimate with a partner who's cheated? Tracey Cox reveals why you could have the best sex of your life if you get through it - and the tips to restore your relationship

the latest tech news, global tech news daily, tech news today, startups, usa tech, asia tech, china tech, eu tech, global tech, in-depth electronics reviews, 24h tech news, 24h tech news, top mobile apps, tech news daily, gaming hardware, big tech news, useful technology tips, expert interviews, reporting on the business of technology, venture capital funding, programing language

Relationship expert Tracey Cox revealed how an affair can change your sex life Says the outcome is often extreme whether it's having no sex or more than ever Offered tips on moving on with the relationship after affair has been unearthed  

Emotional reactions to infidelity are generally predictable. What happens in the bedroom after the discovery of an affair is not.

The impact of cheating on sex is always dramatic but can run from one extreme to another: no sex or more than you’ve ever had.

the latest tech news, global tech news daily, tech news today, startups, usa tech, asia tech, china tech, eu tech, global tech, in-depth electronics reviews, 24h tech news, 24h tech news, top mobile apps, tech news daily, gaming hardware, big tech news, useful technology tips, expert interviews, reporting on the business of technology, venture capital funding, programing language

While no couple are the same and all reactions are normal, there are many ways sex is impacted when infidelity appears on the doorstep.

The most common, as you can imagine, is that…

Global Tech News Daily

Tracey Cox has revealed how unearthing your partner's affair can change your sex life, from finding your partner's touch unbearable to having more passionate sex than ever before. Stock image

Tracey Cox has revealed how unearthing your partner’s affair can change your sex life, from finding your partner’s touch unbearable to having more passionate sex than ever before. Stock image

Global Tech News Daily

The thought of having sex is unthinkable

Let me state the obvious: affairs are painful.

Emotional instability, sleeplessness, angry arguments, uncontrollable sobbing, extreme anger or intense sadness, feeling like you won’t survive the pain, confusion, bewilderment, hatred and fear of being left and alone – these are just some of the emotions people experience after the discovery of an affair.

Not surprisingly, for most, the idea of having sex is unthinkable. You can’t bear the thought of your partner touching you, let alone intimately.

‘I wanted to have sex with him but every time he touched me, I saw his hands touching her,’ one young woman told me. ‘She was in bed with us. I couldn’t do it – it caused me so much distress to even try. He did this to us and we were as tight as thieves. How could I ever have sex with him again?’

Tracey says that while the most common reaction is to withdraw sex from the cheating partner, some couples cling on tighter than ever before

Tracey says that while the most common reaction is to withdraw sex from the cheating partner, some couples cling on tighter than ever before

Sex requires vulnerability. Why would you let yourself be vulnerable with someone who has hurt you so badly?

Besides, if you resume having sex again, your partner will think everything is OK and they’ve been forgiven. At the peak of our pain, we’d burn our partners at the stake if we could. Sex is withheld as punishment.

It all feels so unfair

‘We had problems but sex wasn’t one of them,’ a 31-year-old woman told me, after finding out her husband of five years had been cheating for over a year. ‘We were having loads of fun sex the whole time he was playing away. It made it worse: if that’s what happens when our sex is good, what the hell is going to happen when it’s not? What more could he want? It took months of counselling before I could hug or kiss him on the cheek. We’re together and have resumed having sex but it still feels tainted.’

It’s normal for sex to feel unsafe after infidelity: security and trust are gone and your sexual self-esteem is in shreds (If you were a great lover or had a perfect body, your partner wouldn’t have cheated, surely?).

There’s also a physical risk. If your partner didn’t practise safe sex, you could be exposed to an STI. Catching it would be the final nail in the coffin.

You can have the best sex of your lives

But while lots of couples decamp to opposite sides of the house after cheating is discovered, others do the opposite and cling on tight.

‘My partner had a text affair with an old friend,’ a 42-year-old woman told me. ‘He got a little bit of attention from another woman and he thought it was OK to pursue it. I found out and it stopped. It did affect our sex life but in a better way. He desired me more, not less – it was the thought that he could have lost me. I felt confused at the time but I did feel desired which gave me my confidence back.’

Lots of couples find they have more sex with each other post affair than ever before – passionate, intense sex.

Even if you hate yourself for having wild, fantastic sex – you don’t want your partner to think you’ve forgiven them – it happens.

There are several reasons why.

First, you desperately want to connect because you’re terrified you’ll lose each other.

Second, primal ‘mate guarding’ kicks in: you want to lay claim to what’s yours.

Third, the affair creates distance between you – and distance fuels desire. It’s the close couples that experience desire problems. Who is this person? You thought you knew your partner, but you don’t. Desire is reborn because you’re effectively sleeping with a new person and our bodies love novelty.

We want what others want

You also see your partner through the other person’s eyes. When someone else wants what we have, things become far more attractive: you appreciate what you didn’t before.

‘I reacted in a primitive, animalistic way,’ one man confessed, after finding out his wife had been sleeping with a colleague for two years. ‘My wife was a placid woman, a little boring perhaps. Knowing she’d cheated, that she’d had the guts to do that, made her much sexier. We had wild sex for months after she told me. She couldn’t get enough and neither could I. There was also the element of ‘This is mine’. I wasn’t sure if she’d stopped the affair so having lusty, dirty sex with her was getting back at him. She left me for him but the sex in that end period was the best of our marriage.’

Some people find themselves being more adventurous than they’ve ever been, hoping better sex will stop future betrayals.

Truth is, great sex and lots of it won’t heal your relationship.

Repairing the damage from an affair must include working on all areas of your lives together. On the other hand, it’s certainly not going to cause any harm. Sex can be an emotional bridge.

Affairs signal the end or a new beginning

Infidelity can snuff out a pettering, on-its-last-legs marriage in one sentence (I’ve got something I have to tell you). It can also jolt a lacklustre, indifferent one to full attention with the same few words.

‘My wife had me on the shortest leash you could imagine,’ one man tells me. ‘She was pathologically jealous and would fly off the handle at anything. We had lots of brilliant sex when we met but after a while, she would only have sex when she felt secure – which was never. I lived like that for twelve years, not going anywhere or doing anything that might upset her, and then turned 50 and thought: I’m living my life before it’s over.

The affair was part of that. It was with a work colleague and didn’t last long but my wife found out and it turned us around. The thing she feared the most – me being unfaithful – happened and she survived. She finally relaxed and we’ve rediscovered each other. Our sex is even better than it was at the start.’

Good things can come out of affairs – and the person who often ends up benefiting is the deceived partner.

‘You think I didn’t want more?’, is the common, thunderous reaction of the wronged party, says a world expert on infidelity, therapist Esther Perel.

Once the affair is exposed, you no longer have to pretend you’re completely satisfied and happy either with mediocre sex or zero attention.

If your partner is in the dog house, you get to call the shots.

You need both love and sex

In the aftermath of an affair, couples have the most honest, open conversations they’ve had in decades.

If you get through to the other side, many fall in love all over again – but ignore the erotic side of your relationship at your peril.

You need love and sex to survive: lots of affairs happen because while love grows, sex is allowed to wither and die.

It might be rude, but infidelity can be a wakeup call that reminds you relationships need nurturing and attention. That your partner won’t just hang around if you only feed them crumbs. That sex is important and they aren’t immune to other people’s charms.

In short, it can sometimes provide the kick up the a*** both of you needed.

There’s more information on coping after an affair on Tracey’s blog at and on her podcast, SexTok. Listen wherever you listen to your podcasts.

News Related


Max Verstappen's brutal comment to Lewis Hamilton over world title loss

Max Verstappen has brutally shown no mercy towards Lewis Hamilton after controversially pipping him to last season’s Formula One title. The 2021 world champion shrugged off talk of feeling sympathy ... Read more »

South Africa: Springboks’ home Test schedule for 2022 confirmed

© PA Images Springboks-huddle-at-training-2021-PA The Springboks are scheduled to face Wales in three Test matches in the Incoming series in July, before hosting the All Blacks and Argentina in the ... Read more »

Quiz: Did Stoke City win, lose or draw in each of these 25 games this season?

© Provided by Football League World Championship – Stoke City v Fulham Stoke City will be eager to get themselves back towards the play-off places in the coming weeks and ... Read more »

Roy Keane to Sunderland: What does he offer? What EFL experience does he have? Can he get them promoted?

Sunderland’s managerial search has come down to two candidates, Football League World exclusively learnt yesterday.  The report states that Roy Keane and Grant McCann are the two options that the ... Read more »

DNCE announce their return and departure of Cole Whittle

© Bang Showbiz Joe Jonas’ DNCE confirm new music as trio Joe Jonas’ DNCE are reuniting without bassist Cole Whittle. The Jonas Brothers star has confirmed the ‘Cake By The ... Read more »

Eight things you should know about beloved North East rock star Sam Fender

North Shields rock star Sam Fender is up for a number of coveted Brit Awards at tonight’s ceremony, after a fantastic couple of years saw him shoot into stardom. Sam ... Read more »

Gerard Butler boards new heist thriller Just Watch Me

© Bang Showbiz Gerard Butler to star in heist thriller Gerard Butler is to play a thief in the new heist thriller ‘Just Watch Me’. The 52-year-old actor has boarded ... Read more »

Driver injured by shards of glass after brick thrown at moving train in Greater Manchester

The driver - who has not been named - was taken to hospital for treatment and is now recovering at home. Read more »

Sam Fender's former school teacher wishes him good luck ahead of Brit Awards

Sam Fender’s former head of sixth form has shared a kind message ahead of tonight’s Brit Awards ceremony where the North Shields star is up for three awards. The frontman ... Read more »

BP swings to highest annual profit in eight years

Oil giant BP has posted its highest annual profit in eight years amid mounting pressure on the sector as the cost-of-living crisis deepens. The group revealed it swung to a ... Read more »

2023 Range Rover Sport Spied Up Close With Thinner Camouflage

© Copyright 2023 Range Rover Sport spy photo It’s already looking more athletic than its bigger brother. It was two years ago when our spies first stumbled upon the ... Read more »

We simulated Burnley vs Manchester United to get a score prediction

Manchester United will be looking to put their FA Cup woes behind them and bounce back with a win on Tuesday, as they face Burnley in the Premier League. Anthony ... Read more »

Afcon 2021: Salah’s ego questioned by Murphy after Egypt final defeat to Senegal

Former England and Liverpool player Danny Murphy has questioned the decision to have Mohamed Salah wait for the fifth penalty against Senegal in the Africa Cup of Nations final on ... Read more »

Derby County v Hull City: Latest team news, Is there a live stream? What time is kick-off?

Derby County host Hull City at Pride Park this evening as both sides look to get back to winning ways in the Championship.  Shota Arveladze was handed his first defeat ... Read more »

Bruce Mouat and Jennifer Dodds suffer heavy defeat in bronze medal match

© PA Wire Great Britain’s Jennifer Dodds and Bruce Mouat during their 9-3 bronze medal match defeat against Sweden (Andrew Milligan/PA Images) – PA Wire Great Britain’s hopes of winning ... Read more »

People are absolutely disgusted as disturbing footage of Kurt Zouma kicking a cat goes viral

Social media users have been left absolutely disgusted after disturbing footage of Kurt Zouma kicking his pet cat. The West Ham and France defender has issued an apology after footage ... Read more »

Eileen Gu ‘breaking boundaries’ but contradictions heighten tensions after gold

Eileen Gu is already the face of Vogue, Victoria’s Secret, Louis Vuitton and Tiffany but now she’s the face of these Olympics too – with medal bling to rival those ... Read more »

Man City legend Sergio Aguero opens up on fear after heart scare and jokes he is 'Ironman'

Sergio Aguero has recalled the fear he felt after being rushed to hospital when he appeared short of breath while playing for Barcelona. The Manchester City legend had only just ... Read more »

Royal Navy's £3bn nuclear headache to last DECADES - two dozen ships face scrapheap

Storage and maintenance costs of vessels withdrawn from service amount to about £30 million per year, news website Navy Lookout reports in its latest technical briefing. Continued delays are expected ... Read more »

‘Pay up!' Man, 85, furious as his state pension is ‘frozen' at £70 per week

State pension payments usually increase each year by the highest of 2.5 percent, average earnings or inflation under the triple lock. Even though this policy has been temporarily suspended, most ... Read more »

Northumberland to host Dark Skies Festival 2022 - and it starts this week!

Northumberland is set to celebrate officially having ‘the most pristine dark skies in England’ with the return of the Northumberland Dark Skies Festival. Following the success of last year’s virtual ... Read more »

Coworth Park review: relaxing, tranquil and dreamlike

© Provided by The Week UK An exterior view of Coworth Park from the croquet lawn Doing as little as possible is the order of the day at this swanky ... Read more »

Lanzarote pleads with Spain to drop entry rules for Britons' holidays - ‘let them come'

The Tourism Federation of Lanzarote (FTL) has called for Spain to relax the travel rules for British tourists. It said that vaccine requirements are ruining the winter season for Britons. ... Read more »

Picture books for children – reviews

Young children’s counting books can (whisper it) be a bit dull. They’re brilliant, of course, at helping under-fives learn their numbers. But turning page after page of, say, farmyard animals ... Read more »

Roundup of Olympic gold medals from Tuesday, Feb. 8

© Provided by Associated Press – Sports Gold medalist Austria’s Benjamin Karl celebrates during the venue ceremony for the men’s parallel giant slalom at the 2022 Winter Olympics, Tuesday, Feb. ... Read more »

NHS to prescribe ‘game-changer’ weight loss drug to tackle obesity crisis

© PA Wire NHS weight loss programme for obese patients The NHS is to prescribe a new weight loss jab in order to tackle the obesity crisis in England. The ... Read more »

Eddie Howe breaks Newcastle's silence on failed transfer for Manchester United's Jesse Lingard

© Clive Brunskill/Getty Images. Opportunities have been hard to come by for Jesse Lingard at Manchester United this season. Newcastle United head coach Eddie Howe has admitted to being a ... Read more »

Update emerges after Newcastle United’s January interest in Bournemouth player

Newcastle United remain interested in Bournemouth’s Lloyd Kelly, with the Premier League outfit set to offer a deal for the 23-year-old regardless of what level of football they will be ... Read more »

Former Rangers star gives club backing over transfer interest in 'very promising player'

Former Rangers star Ronald de Boer has given the club his backing over the possible signing of Danilho Doekhi. © Danilho Doekhi has been strongly linked with Rangers. (Photo by ... Read more »

Newcastle United owners can learn Liverpool lesson as Man Utd show what not to do

Newcastle will have to replicate last month’s lavish spending in future windows if they are to achieve their dream of mixing it with the Premier League big boys. Five new ... Read more »

SMALL CAP SHARE IDEAS: Gartner Cycle points to upswing for microbiome pioneer OptiBiotix Health

Take a good look at the chart below. It’s called the Gartner Hype Cycle. It’s so named because it represents the distilled learning of the research group Gartner on the ... Read more »

Paul Heckingbottom explains the role Sheffield United supporters can play in the club’s play-off push

Sheffield United have carried on their resurgence up the table since Slavisa Jokanovic’s departure and they look more likely than ever to make an assault on the play-off places. The ... Read more »

Kurt Zouma apologies after former Everton loanee filmed kicking cat

© Visionhaus/Getty Images Kurt Zouma of West Ham United during the Premier League match between Wolverhampton Wanderers and West Ham United at Molineux Former Everton defender Kurt Zouma will reportedly ... Read more »

Grant McCann to Sunderland: What does he offer? What EFL experience does he have? Can he get them promoted?

A new Sunderland head coach is expected to be appointed this week and Football League World understands that the search for Lee Johnson’s replacement has been narrowed down to just ... Read more »

32-y/o starts: The predicted Cardiff City XI to face Peterborough on Wednesday night

Cardiff City will be looking to bounce back from their FA Cup defeat to Liverpool by picking up a positive result in their upcoming Sky Bet Championship game with Peterborough ... Read more »

How to watch every Premier League match on TV this week and kick-off times

© Michael Regan/Getty Images Nine Premier League midweek fixtures will be shown live on BT Sport across Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. The Premier League returns this midweek with most teams ... Read more »

Noel Whelan predicts Lewis will ‘not be part of the squad’ next season

© Stu Forster/Getty Images Sport Jamal Lewis – 4 Jamal Lewis was controversially left out of Newcastle United’s 25-man Premier League squad for Matt Targett and reports suggested he would ... Read more »

Pundits agree over Manchester United vs Burnley result prediction

© Clive Brunskill/Getty Images Scott McTominay scores against Burnley earlier this season Manchester United return to action in the Premier League this evening as they travel to Burnley. Ralf Rangnick’s ... Read more »

Steven Gerrard to repeat Rangers trick at Aston Villa amid stunning Cameron Archer form

Former Premier League goalkeeper Paul Robinson has backed Aston Villa loanee Cameron Archer to force his way into Steven Gerrard’s first-team plans next season. Archer is currently playing his football ... Read more »

Newcastle United vs Everton: Lee Ryder's Premier League preview

Newcastle United winger Allan Saint-Maximin got it right this week when he said that draws are no longer much use to the much-maligned Magpies. Every point in the Premier League ... Read more »