Getting over a girl who led you on can take a bit of time, but rest assured that you can definitely come out of this stronger than ever. It can be confusing and devastating for the momentum of a good thing to turn on a dime out of seemingly nowhere, and you may even be angry if she manipulated you. It’s totally normal, so don’t be too hard on yourself for feeling a little mixed up. While you sort your way through your feelings, there are a few things you can do to speed up the healing process. From hanging out with friends to finding some inner peace, we’ve got your back.
Method 1 of 9: Cut off contact.
If you want to be friends later, that’s okay, but take a break for a bit. It’s hard to move on from a crush if you’re still talking to her every day. If you work or go to school with her, be cordial if you run into her, but don’t go out of your way to be around her. Create some space so that you can heal on your own terms.
- You don’t owe her anything. If you do want to ghost her and you feel like it’s warranted based on her behavior, that’s totally fine.
- If you don’t hold a grudge and you’re just hurt but you hope to be friends in the future, feel free to let her know why you’re disappearing. Just say, “Look, I’m not going to reach out at all and I’d appreciate some space. I’m hurt, but it’s not anything against you, so don’t take it that way.”
Method 2 of 9: Get rid of any reminders.
If you have any emotionally charged mementos, get rid of them (for now). Take any old photos, gifts, or visual reminders and stuff them in a shoebox. Tuck it away under your bed and do your best to forget about it, as hard as that may be. Delete or block her on social media so that her photos and comments don’t pop up in your feed, and don’t go anywhere that holds a ton of emotional energy for you in terms of the times you shared together.
- If there’s an activity that the two of you used to do together, take a break from it.
- You can always pull that shoebox out in the future once you’re feeling better.
- If you do find yourself ruminating on this girl, try reminding yourself of all of her bad qualities. Listing all the things you didn’t like about her may seriously help you forget about her.
Method 3 of 9: Distract yourself for a few days.
If you feel a little lost, preoccupy yourself for a while to cool off. You’re likely going to be pretty angry and hurt in the aftermath of the bad news. Keep your mind off of her by spending a few days doing things you enjoy. Whatever it is that keeps your mind from fixating on her, do that until you’re feeling a little more centered.
- It doesn’t really matter what the activity is so long as you feel engaged and your mind stays busy.
Method 4 of 9: Process how you feel and let it go.
Once you’re ready, accept and work through your emotions. It can be confusing to feel like you and this girl had some momentum and then find out the relationship wasn’t going where you thought it was. It may feel miserable now, but remember, you’re going to get through this. Acknowledge your feelings, sit with them, and let it go. Attempting to pretend like you don’t feel awful won’t solve anything so indulge yourself a bit and acknowledge that while you feel bad right now, it will get better.
- Listen to sad music if it makes you feel better. Watching a sad movie may make you feel better as well.
- Freewriting about the way you feel can help you come to terms with what happened. You could even write an angry letter to her and then rip it up.
- Talking to a close friend or family member can dramatically help you get some perspective.
Method 5 of 9: Spend time with your friends.
Surround yourself with positive people and enjoy yourself. Hit up your friends and ask them if they’d be willing to hang out with you. Go grab a bite to eat, hit up the local bar, or catch a movie together. If they’re busy, spend some time with your family. It’s easy to get down on yourself if you’re just all alone—getting out and spending time with loved ones is a great way to bring your spirits back up.
- It’s totally okay to acknowledge what’s going on. You might say, “Hey, I’m struggling a bit right now and I could really use some company. Are you busy right now? I’d love to hang out and get out of the home for a bit.”
- Going out is great, but if you’re over 21, don’t overdo it on the alcohol. You might temporarily feel better, but you’re going to wake up feeling much worse than you would have otherwise, and it’s not a healthy way to cope with negative feelings.
Method 6 of 9: Channel your anger into something positive.
It’s totally okay to feel anger, but use that energy for good. Want to punch the wall in frustration? Throw on some boxing gloves and hit the heavy bag for some exercise. Feel like writing a hate letter to her will make you feel vindicated? Turn it into a creative writing project or write a song. Not only will this prevent you from doing something you regret, but it will help you get control over the way you feel so that you can move on and grow.
- You could even use this as motivation to get back out there. You could craft an online dating profile or start texting another girl to see if there’s something there.
Method 7 of 9: Give back to others.
Having a sense of purpose will bring you joy and peace. You might feel directionless or lost in the wake of the bad news, so you may feel better if you dedicate yourself to a good cause. Whether you’re just helping a friend move or signing up to help out at a local soup kitchen, giving your energy to others will give you something meaningful to do while you’re sorting things out.
- Going through your belongings and giving away things you don’t need can be a cathartic and productive activity.
Method 8 of 9: Exercise and sleep right.
Taking care of your body will boost the way you feel. It’s easy to overlook basic self-care after having your heart toyed with like this. Get at least 8 hours of sleep a night, and do your best to maintain a regular exercise routine. Not only are sleep and regular exercise just good for your body, but they’re good for you psychologically as well.
- If possible, exercise outside. You might be surprised what getting out of the house for productive reasons can do for your headspace.
- Maintain your normal basic routine when it comes to things like showering or meditation. Routines are healthy, and while it can be hard to stick with them now, they will help you move forward.
Method 9 of 9: Learn from the experience.
When you’re ready, see what you can take away from this. A little analysis of what you’ve been through may help you in future relationships. Were there any warning signs you can look out for that she wasn’t actually interested in a relationship? If so, take note and be on the lookout for these signs going forward. It’s also possible your interpretation of certain signals was also off, so do your best to reflect on what you may have misunderstood to avoid those mistakes in the future.
- Common red flags that you’re being led on include not being affectionate in public, only hanging out on their terms, flirting with other people in front of you, or avoiding conversation about the nature of your relationship.
- If you were misinterpreting her being nice to you as flirting, or she was explicitly clear about just wanting to be friends and you made more of the relationship than you should have, it may help to take it slower in the future. This way, you can pay more attention to her behavior to see if she’s flirting or just being nice.