Method 1 of 10: Stay calm and avoid jumping to conclusions.
- Texting another woman doesn’t mean your husband is cheating.
- He may have a perfectly plausible reason (she’s a friend, coworker, etc.)
- You’re a strong woman and you can handle this situation.
Method 2 of 10: Take stock of the situation and his behavior.
- Being secretive about his phone or computer use
- A sudden or drastic change in his schedule
- Recent arguments or hostility between you
- Unexplained expenses
- Changes in emotional and/or sexual intimacy
Method 3 of 10: Resist the urge to snoop.
- If you do find proof that he’s cheating, you’ll have to admit that you violated his privacy to get it. An unproductive, heated argument will surely follow.
- If you don’t feel you can ask him and get an honest answer, there may be deeper issues you two should explore with a therapist or marriage counselor.
Method 4 of 10: Bring it up in a calm, non-confrontational way.
- “I’ve noticed that you’re texting a lot recently but you never mention who you’re chatting with. Is everything okay?”
- “You’ve been texting Linda from work a lot lately. Are you guys working on a new project together?”
- “Is everything all right with Amy lately? I know you’re BFFs but she’s been texting you more than usual.”
Method 5 of 10: Use “I” phrases to explain your feelings.
- “I feel less connected to you these days and I really miss you.”
- “I know you and Johanna are work mates, but I feel a little left out sometimes.”
- “Sometimes I worry that your friendship with Sarah is more important to you than I am.”
Method 6 of 10: Listen to his response with an open mind.
- If he’s talking about his feelings and being open with you, those are positive signs that he isn’t hiding something.
- If he immediately shrugs off your concerns, belittles your feelings, or tries to change the topic, those are worrisome signs. Pay attention to his body language, too. Does he seem genuinely concerned? Is he making eye contact?
- If you’re worried that he’s lying but you can’t be certain, pay attention to how he acts moving forward. Does your relationship start to improve? Is he making an effort to reassure you? Does the texting stop or slow down? If things don’t improve, you may need to confront him again or rethink your future together.
Method 7 of 10: Set healthy boundaries if the texting is innocent.
- “I totally respect and support your friendship with Maria. I just want to feel like our marriage is top priority. Maybe you can limit your texting to the day time? That way, you and I can focus on each other in the evenings.”
- “I understand that you and Michelle work closely together and I know your job is very important to you. Would it be possible to aim for a better work-life balance in the future, though? I’m open to your ideas and I want to help however I can.”
Method 8 of 10: Discuss your future if the texting isn’t innocent.
If he’s remorseful, figure out what you need from him to heal. If your husband is having an affair, the first thing he needs to do is break it off with her if he wants to save your marriage. From there, you’ll need to work together to figure out how you can reestablish trust, heal, and move forward as a couple. Every marriage is different, but here are some ideas to get you started:
- Identify marital issues that may have contributed to the affair
- Take time to process and understand why the affair happened
- Come up with a plan to restore trust and agree on a timetable
- Focus on the future and figuring out how to forgive him
Method 9 of 10: Reach out to friends and loved ones for support.
Worrying about your marriage is a heavy burden. Even if your husband isn’t doing anything inappropriate, the worry and suspicion of it all can wear you down after a while. Try leaning on trusted friends and family if you need to vent. They may have really helpful advice or perspectives to share with you.
- If religious faith is important to you, speaking to your pastor or minister might be helpful.
Method 10 of 10: See a licensed marriage counselor as a couple.
A therapist can really help if you’re trying to mend your marriage. If your husband cheated but he’s committed to staying together, couples therapy can be an invaluable tool on your path to healing. Be sure to work with a licensed counselor who’s trained in marital therapy so you’re getting the best support available.
- If your husband isn’t cheating on you but you’re still struggling with trust or jealousy issues, seeing a therapist solo can help you work through those issues in a healthy way.
- If he did cheat on you, you still might benefit from solo therapy. For many people, dealing with the aftermath of infidelity is a very traumatic experience. Don’t be afraid to get the help you need.